Episode 28 – Dick on The Toilet


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The Eve from Wall-E toilet, Sean is gone, way too much popcorn, Denzel’s non-sequitur trash talking, MadCucks defends his network, the Golden Goose of Goss, F is for Feminism, The War on Drugs vs. Automatic Updates, Lettuce Jones’ big reveal to reveal, Cameron Hermens melts down, and Hollywood Randy busts balls; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

MadCucks
Creator of the Bestest Show in the Universes. A Writer. Shitposting machine., co-host of the Here's What I Don't Get Podcast
Misspelling Sean, Amy Schumer's Comedy Special, the $15 Minimum Wage.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Denzel Walkes
Co-host of Real Nerd Hours. Can't skate.

Marijuana Laws, Modern Dating, Losing, Getting Cucked on a Date
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Lettuce Jones
Free at last.
Ventriloquists, Old People, Drunk Driving Hardliners, No Haunted Jails, Making Your Bed, No Straight Answers
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
See All Co-Hosts

New Rage Match challenger, Joey, presents The War on Drugs. Will his brutal salvo of libertarian talking points be enough to dethrone reigning champion Izzy Nobre’s variations on Automatic Updates? Only you can decide by voting below!

Rage Match
Mr. Nobre

Pizza Bigots, Automatic Updates, Human Driving Directions, Holiday Ghost Towns, Bad Hair Cuts
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Joey

The War on Drugs
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
See the Cage

Sean is missing and no one knows why! Did he get into a Bundy Ranch style stand-off with the federal government over ass-ing rights on his ass farm? Did he take a dive at the wrong penis contest and get done-in by the penis mafia? Or did I go too far last week with my pointed financial interrogation and run off the world’s most handsome audio engineer–who also gets paid more on this show than on any other podcast? You’ll have to listen to find out, but first…

The average man spends nearly all of his life in an uncomfortable position. You sit at work in an uncomfortable position on the cheapest chair money could buy in bulk. You drive home from work in an uncomfortable position with nowhere to rest your goddamn elbows unless you want to give yourself scoliosis bent over the center console. You eat dinner in an uncomfortable position shoveling food from your lap to your mouth on the couch and doing your best impression of a guy trying to blow himself while watching television. You sleep in an uncomfortable position because your wife sleep-kicks you into the corner like a shitty game of sleepy-time she-snooker. In fact, the only time in a man’s life when he’s truly comfortable is on the toilet. Well, they finally figured out a way to ruin that.

Introducing: my new toilet that has a flush button on the top of it instead of a lever on the side, which was working perfectly for everyone for like a hundred years! Sick of being able to courtesy flush in your own home? Don’t worry, the toilet that has a flush button on top has removed your ability to do that without cranking your abdomen in half like an MC Escher painting and playing a sick game of Toilet Twister. Chubby Checker must be rolling in his grave. Not because he invented The Twist, but because he loved shitting in a comfortable position.

Levi Hutchins must also be rolling in his grave. He’s the man who invented the alarm clock, something Denzel should invest in after he shows up 20 minutes late to the show. He redeems himself with some deep-down rage: losing, and how it applies to love and basketball. Denzel also brings in his completed script “The Long Con”, promised many months ago as a movie that would definitely be funnier than both the Hangover 2 and 3, and would be done in two months. In order to prevent subjectivity and bias, I bring in Big Shot Hollywood Randy, the former producer of The Biggest Problem in the Universe, to make the final verdict. Was Denzel’s script funnier than the Hangover 2 or 3? Is it even a movie? Was I able to option it so Dick Show Patreonis could decide for themselves? You’ll have to listen to find out!

Madcucks calls in to read us the latest chapter of his book: F is for Feminism, reminding us all what made him so successful in the first place: actual writing. If you need more of a reason to follow this guy, here is a snippet from the chapter, “E is for Equality“.

I think no one has ever said it better than Thomas Jefferson, “All [pronouns] are created equal.”

Here is Madcucks’ latest video, the Madcucks Box, which he’s offering only to the most elite members of the MadCucks Patreon.

In exchange for a plug, I ask Madcucks a few questions about his dying podcast network, which is now begging for open submissions; including, why do you think people will sit through an hour of content from random people they have no attachment to just to curate your network for you? Isn’t that delusional and the equivalent of wasting at least 50% of fans’ time? And, how is there even a concept of a “network” anymore if you don’t give shows any funding and media is consumed by choice and not filtered through a few access points like the old days? And, who owns these podcast concepts when they’re submitted? If Madcast Media doesn’t own them, then what prevents someone from getting the initial exposure boost from their podcast and then just bailing since there are no longterm sponsors and no incentive to stay on this “network”? And if Madcast Media does own the concepts, how much is being paid for them and will Madcast Media sign a non-compete to keep creators from getting their format stolen and reproduced if the show is a success? After all, Maddox has a history of killing shows and attempting to recreate the format without the original hosts. And, why are all the audio equipment recommendations on the Madcast Media Amazon page complete shit and also overkill for a 35-minute podcast that you could easily do with a Blue Yeti mic? Like usual, MadCucks has all the answers.

Unbelievable Black Pill remix fet Mike Cernovich by lakembra. I dare you to listen to it only once. You cannot.

Thumbnail with more bark(ley) than bite by Brandon of Maximum! Panic.
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