The Dick Show

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My obsession with retaining walls, my dad stealing koi, the impending new and improved Dark Ages, I finally find the mysterious Wage Gap everyone is always complaining about, my violent ranting gets a beautiful woman off on Drunken Peasants, why diversity is a weakness, frozen yogurt for Hitler, the death of Fight Night 2, swing dancing, destroyed suits, Nick Rekieta interviews a pedophile and sends a real Cease and Desist letter to Maddox and Landau, Kaya Orsan from The Official Podcast defends his stalking charge, and an erotic squirting horror story from a real man; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Nick Rekieta Lawyer and Dickhead Nick Rekieta breaks down Maddox's lolsuit, Patreon.	Is a Rage! Not a Rage.
Kaya Orsan Co-host of The Official Podcast. Stalked Maddox for 10-years.	Is a Rage! Not a Rage.
Maxwell "The Silver Hammer" Kimball Filmmaker.	Is a Rage! Not a Rage.
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Bonus Episode 29, Dick on Moral Clarity, is live and available for supporters of Dick at Patreon.com/TheDickShow! In it, Sean and I and a criminal analyst, body language expert, and formerly deputized FBI agent comment on Maddox’s recent video interview on Doug TenNapel’s show where he talks about the Lolsuit, calls The Dick Show audience pedophiles, accuses both Kaya Orsan and Nick Rekieta of stalking him, uses his half-sister’s suicide twice to deflect from accusations of wrong-doing, and pronounces his own “moral clarity” when asked how he lives in his own skin. It’s truly a masterpiece and a very instructional episode in how to spot a liar, how to get away with murder online, and how to supercharge your Tinder experience. Check it out now at Patreon.com/TheDickShow.

Some people are telling me their access to the new bonus episode has been limited or is missing, or their private Patreon feed isn’t working. It’s possible Patreon’s new UK bank declined your American/Drumpf credit card for the month. If it has, double check your account because you don’t want to miss this episode! But first…

Diversity is not a strength. It’s a hazardous material. It’s random chaos, mutation, entropy. Diversity is cancer and the violation of physical and cultural laws. Diversity is ketchup on cereal and breastfeeding dads and women voting and sticking your dick in a vacuum cleaner when you’re 13, it’s tying weather balloons to a lawn chair to see the top of your house and accidentally touching space. Diversity is scary and stupid and powerful, and it’s also so deeply embedded in American greatness and culture that a significant portion of our art–maybe the entire soul of American art–is devoted to exploring it. Be they Muppets, morons, or space marines, forcing them to be diverse and then watching them destroy one another are our gladiatorial games. Our stock photos are our anonymous cave paintings that tell the story of a society that values one thing above all else: diversity.

And why not?

Diversity is why we have pizza delivery. There are other examples, but why? Nothing could aspire to be greater than that. So when companies promote diversity, they’re tapping into something deeply spiritual and ingrained in the American psyche that we will violently defend: sitting on our fat asses and magically summoning a delicious pizza in 30 minutes or less. Board rooms need more diversity, coding projects need more diversity, universities need more diversity, the justice system needs more diversity, little girls’ bathrooms need more diversity; and if we find the right alchemy of race, gender, and Socialblade rank, we’ll find the corporate, computing, academic, legal, and restroom equivalent of the American nirvana: pizza delivery. Cowabunga!

There’s a missing step to that evolution though, one that’s too ugly to mention in a news cycle that quiets contentment by asking if “success is an illness?” And in the rush to promote the great American panacea, we have ignored the lessons of own art: diversity is only a strength when it’s destroyed.

Oscar the Grouch doesn’t get to keep acting like an asshole by the end of his seven-minute bit, he’s is forced to submit because his way of doing things is fucked. And the brutality of this submission is a function of Oscar’s non-compliance. Death is not a graceful process. Captain Kirk doesn’t let aliens run amok with their shitty ideas throughout the quadrant no matter what sort of diverse shit is on their foreheads, in the end, unless they’re bringing a holodeck to the table, they are assimilated, always violently or with the threat of violence.

In order for diversity to be a strength, it has to die, and that process will always be violent and ugly even if it is just speech. Childish ideas are replaced with more efficient and eternally obvious ones, and time is released as a reward–time, the building block of happiness, which used to comfort us through this process until idle time itself became the problem. And if diversity is kept alive by the same suggestion of force and violence, spreading as a cancerous leviathan for the sake of advertising and politics, our evolution halts and that time is kept from us.

Welcome to the new Dark Age of Diversity, innovation run by committees, courtrooms, and quotas. A cultural miasma of lowered expectations, a worship of momentum over disruption. The future will not be a hell of a ride. It will be so comfortable and uneventful, you’ll hardly be able to tell we’re moving at all.

Here is my appearance on a recent episode of Drunken Peasants minding my own business once again and commenting on Mundane Matt calling me a “pussy”. As you can see in the video–and as Sean and I discuss in today’s episode, the gorgeous blonde “Modern Medusa” above me in the clip is very turned on by my aggressive rantings.