I bully a bus, 837,000 things wrong with San Fransisco, the biggest Patreon in history, fat Halloween music, MadCucks calls in, a financial analyst finds discrepancies in the Biggest Problem accounting, music to rage too, Elon Musk tries to kill God, making erotic stories great again, the bro code, Trump’s locker room talk, Sean reacts to The Cuckening, sound legal advice delivered over email, and a big mystery guest tease; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
Creator of the Bestest Show in the Universes. A Writer. Shitposting machine., co-host of the Here's What I Don't Get Podcast
Misspelling Sean, Amy Schumer's Comedy Special, the $15 Minimum Wage.
Is a Rage!
Not a Rage.
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Holy shit does it pay to stand for something–and that’s what The Dick Show does. A big thanks and a hearty GFY to all the DickHeads on Patreon for making this podcasting dream a reality and for launching this show into one of the all-time, top-ranked Patreons in the world. Jessica Nigri, Red Letter Media, porno drawing guys, I’m coming for you. Everything is a contest. It’s time for a news babe, it’s time for a tour, it’s time for more Dick, but first…
San Francisco. A beautiful town full of lax drinking and drug laws, clean and reliable public transport, music festivals, exotic cuisine, nightlife, museums and shit, other fun stuff to do, but also a town full of the biggest pieces of shit on the planet. If the apocalypse hit tomorrow, San Francisco is where I would be because the extinction of everyone in it is the only way to enjoy it. While in San Francisco, I hold a bus hostage, I hold an Uber hostage, and I hold a blanket hostage. Trump’s building a wall on the wrong border. He should be building it around San Fransisco. Then he could jump inside and grab more pussies than he could dream of–and I’m not talking about the kind of pussy that Maddox has never seen. I’m talking about the kind he sees in the mirror every day.
Sick Burn or Burn Out? Let me know in the comments.
Writer and creator of the “Bestest Show in the Universes”, MadCucks calls in and for a moment it feels like the old gang is back together–complete with sound effects. He does his best to fill the paper crown and I ask MadCucks some hard hitting questions, like what it would take for Sean to get a raise? Did he really disavow his book? And is he worried that his doxxing girlfriend will doxx him when they break up since she seems so fond of doxxing others? I don’t think that’s something you just turn off, but what do I know about women!? MadCucks does his best to give us answers and he makes a believer out of me, but the real vote is up to you!
Here are the MadCucks videos that started it all. The guy is a machine. He should write a book–holy shit he should write a book!
The Real Reason The Biggest Problem in the Universe Ended
The Cuckening II: Attack on Peen
The Cuckening III: Sneaky Greek’s Losing Streak
The Cuckening 6: What is Truth? With Handy Randy
Elay Arson creates a masterpiece with his Variation on The Dick Show Theme For 2 Pianos and a Cello, a piece that inspires such rage in me I dredge up a topic from deep in my soul of hatred: Elon Musk and what a pompous weirdo he is. Listen to these calming dueling pianos and see if it makes you a rage. Then call the voicemail to tell me why.
Last week, in response to Maddox’s implications of financial fuckery, I posted a redacted version of the financials of The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Reddit user and apparently one of the “top men” referenced at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, a DickHead by the name of /u/lago-m-orph got ahold of it and turned it into this beauty of a financial autopsy. I can’t speak for the authenticity of this review, but the guy typed more words than I’ve ever typed about anything, so I assume he knows what he’s talking about.
I read an erotic story, I have an erotic call about trade school, I read some erotic comments, and after the show ends, Sean and I have a half-hour erotic conversation about “Bro Code”, a thought virus created by the commies to steal your Purity of Essence and make sure no one gets laid ever.
Classically brutal thumbnail by Maximum Panic
See you next Tuesday on The Dick Show. It’s going to be a big one.