The scourge of squeaky beds, Liquor Wardens, crying over scrambled eggs, Brittany Venti calls in to correct the story of The 4Chad Strangling, TDS Top Gay handles some pork, women saying “interesting”, Body Dysmorphia, KevinALandau.com, Asterios’ flub of the century, and a memorial rant for a fallen Dickhead; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
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It was previously sold out, but Road Rage: Atlanta has moved into a bigger room–where the Dickheads can laugh and play and rage, free from both speech and its consequences and subject only to the local Liquor Wardens, may they burn in hell. Get tickets for Road Rage: Atlanta Saturday August 4th. Then, since you’re already in Atlanta looking for a good time, why not stop by the Asterios Showkkinos at Smith’s Old Bar, Friday at 7PM? Come in costume and keep your hands and drugs inside your car at all times! And while I’m being your nagging girlfriend always trying to get you to do fun shit, why can’t you appreciate that??, check out the first ever Dick Show Magic the Gathering: Grand Pricks tournament in Downtown Los Angeles, August 18th. We’ll be drafting over drafts after the official MtG: Gran Prix. If you don’t know what any of that means, just come out and drink on a Saturday and gloat over how much money people can burn on a hobby about fantasy wizards. But first…
And armed society is a polite society, and a society where everyone is put on blast on a podcast is a society where less people are victimized. Null from KiwiFarms has it right: don’t fuck up. Maury had it right also: you are not the father. And maybe even the British government has it right: if no one is the father, and everyone is fucking up all the time, we’re going to need a ubiquitous, thought-policing, clandestine surveillance state covering every inch of the populace–both inside and out, and monitoring every action, inaction, reaction, or else these walking, animatronic agents of ennui are going to tear the good Christians among us apart. In a Blast Society, there are no invisible men throwing women into oncoming traffic, wantonly flirting with bartenders for free shit when they know full well they aren’t going to put out, and sobbing into their scrambled eggs between head-butting holes into the walls of their girlfriend’s apartment.
An on-blast society is a polite society.
If none of that makes sense to you, it will after you hear Brittany Venti‘s call in. The very beautiful, be-jugged stream queen of the troll-right calls in to Correct the Record and set us straight about what happened between her and her ex-boyfriend 4 Chad. In my opinion, it was brave to do. We’ve all seen what can come from fucking with sue-happy Internet lunatics who are obsessed with hot ex-girlfriends, but it must be done. It’s herd immunity. An on-blast society is a polite society. It’s a completely unrelated benefit that I get off on stories of ex-boyfriends behaving badly. It makes me feel better about myself. We’re all pieces of shit, but at least we’re not that exact flavor of piece of shit, otherwise, we’d be on blast, right?
Speaking of pieces of shit getting put on blast…
Discovered by the sub-reddit a week ago, a local hero has assembled Kevin Landau‘s biggest legal and personal judgement failings, and DUI court records, and put them together in website called KevinALandau.com–not to be confused with “Kevin Landau of Taus, Cebulash & Landau, LLP, who appears to be a perfectly competent attorney.” In my opinion, this was also brave to do, as we’ve all seen what can come from fucking with a sue-happy Internet lunatic obsessed with apostrophe’s and drinking alcohol. To this mystery hero on behalf of any dim-witted schmuck who might have otherwise gotten duped into destroying the rest of their life over a fantasy lolsuit following the advice of an incompetent attorney, thank you! I hope you don’t get sued. And if you do, that that too will be put on blast.
Chatty Patty the Freedom of Speech Parrot by /u/Mr-D-the-Dank.
“Freezed Peaches” by Elay Arson. Elay has a new EP coming out August 3rd called ‘Borrowed Memories’. Give it a listen and a preorder!
“I Am Not Savestate Corrupted” by MCMC.
The “Bag of Dicks” TDS Pearlers by Emily Ann Vouve. See more at Japanda.co!
A thumbnail you can drive your stake to by Clay Burton.