Episode 133 – Dick on Underwater Hamsters

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The Thermostat Cold War, appetizers ruin every meal, Boomers telling you how much they paid for their house, virtue signaling in domestic violence, the problem with civics and the American voters who are playing Calvinball, a scientist calls in who is creating his undersea future: Hampture, when to use dark humor with women, Special Agent Richard Head analyzes Maddox’s creepy email to his ex, the awful, awful Mental Jess video, and an open-ended question about relaunching The Biggest Problem in the Universe; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Scientist and creature of Hampture, the underwater habitat for Hamsters. Build the future.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Special Agent Richard Head
Crime analyst.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Kaya Orsan
Co-host of The Official Podcast. Stalked Maddox for 10-years.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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It would be stupid not to mention the ongoing cultural war of attrition currently going on over at Patreon–where art and expression are being ground to make Trust and Safety for Visa and Mastercard. This is not a joke. The woman who works for Patreon’s Ministry of Expression, and who released one of the worst PR statements ever penned doubling down on the banning of Sargon of Akkad, is a former risk assessor for online payment systems. There, that wasn’t funny, was it? But it paints a larger picture than the one I had in mind before I found that out. It’s certainly more specific. And I generally like to know who’s fucking me in the dark while they’re doing it.

I’ve been banned from every platform on the internet going on ten years now. And in surviving that decade of being NSFW, I have learned that it’s not about avoiding failure, it’s about failing gracefully. I have a plan to fail gracefully yet again, but like all things, it would be unwise to rush. Patience is an underrated virtue. I’ll have more information soon, but first…

One day in the not so distant future, we will go from making the worst decisions collectively to making the best ones, and it will seem to happen overnight. Gone will be the one in three people who can’t tell you what the first amendment protects. Silenced will be the 75% of people who can’t name all three branches of government. Expelliarmus’ed will be the morons who can’t communicate an idea without making a Harry Potter reference. And not in any violent or coercive way. This will be a vastly preferable life choice–an offer no one can refuse. A computer will tell us what to eat and when; it will craft lifestyles to suit our resources and maximize the utility of both. The obsessive need to control the lives of others will yield to the lure of VR and addictive opiates and the science of idleness. Fear of scarcity will be infinitely soothed by an endless state machine that calculates Opportunity Cost faster than reality can catch up.

We spend entirely too much time making bad decisions for each other when there’s so many bad decisions we could be making for ourselves. Building underwater hamster civilizations for example after eating enough mushrooms to turn the world inside-out, for example. This is the future. Not the underwater civilizations that we were promised, but the freedom to pursue them.

I bring it up to put a positive spin on the stats in this episode, that eventually the race will turn into a real one between the intelligent singularity of enhanced, actual probability versus the artificial intelligence advertising that currently runs our entire civilization. Dead brands of “hate speech”–a concept invented by communists and still used by them exclusively to route out political dissidence–will be destroyed and replaced with choices. Choices you can make for your own life whether they be good or bad because we’re much better at those.

You wouldn’t let a bald man cut your hair. You would, but it’s still true. It’s more accurate to say, you wouldn’t let someone all up in your Koolaid without knowing the flavor. So why the fuck do people vote without knowing Grape from Ass. If I’m going to drink Ass, I would like it to be my choice.

Here’s the video of Hampture we were watching during the show. A hamster braving a whole new world, and yet he seems calm and collected, as though he is completely unaware.

“Christmas Parody Song 0001” by the Hard Men Working Hard.

“TDS Trap Theme” by Ego Makes Beats.

A thumbnail where life is better down where it’s wetter by HeHeSillyComics.