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Spaghetti Week: Part Deux, children’s duvets and the cucks who sleep in them, the Chinese Achilles heel of the invincible and the elite, Randy sends a long text, dating an older woman, Vic Lasagna loses his case, math is racist, “My Wife is Friends with a Pedophile’s Wife”, Nick Rekieta and his family are violently threatened by “Mad Black Atheist”, a multiple felon and mentally challenged former gang member, what to do about a high voice, and a guy who was tricked into eating his own poop calls in to promote his new book; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
 Nick Rekieta
Lawyer and Dickhead Nick Rekieta breaks down Maddox's lolsuit, Patreon. |
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 JMAA TV
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Spaghetti Week: Part Deux rages on even after this episode was recorded. And the accusations and the cognitive dissonance and the sunk cost fallacies and Maddox’s phallus fallacy (the delusion that someone has a penis when they do not), are hitting peak levels, the likes of which we’ve never seen before. Toys are strewn around the room from being thrown in a hysterical fit. The sharks have been torn off the wall. The bedspread has been slimed, the shit has been eaten, and the temperature of Maddox’s remaining audience of sycophants and lunatics has turned from rabid to tolerant to mournful cringe. Whoops!
I have no idea why it started, or when it will end–never, I assume, but I have a sinking feeling we’re in the eye of the shiticane. A couple hours of non-retardation before spaghetti and meatballs start raining and spilling and shitting down all over us once again. Also, Maddox deleted his article making fun of the kidnapping and rape of Elizabeth Smart. Here is the archived version if you are feeling nostalgic, but first…
Boycott China.
No problem. Just go through your house and throw away everything that was Made in China. Fuck, does that mean the TV? No, that’s a Samsung. Whew! But what about the parts? Fuck it. No time for that. It’s Samsung, it’s fine. How about the computer? The phone? The toilet? Shit, shit, shit. All the pots and pans and plates and the couch and the car–no, not the car. That’s Made in Mexico. Assembled in Mexico. I don’t actually know, but that makes sense. You know what, how much of anything is really made in China really? I heard like 50% of everything you spend on Chinese products goes to American workers anyway. And even that’s only 3% of total consumer goods. But what does 3% even mean. And now I’ve got to find all new shit that’s made by some hipsters and shilled on an subscription service…
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Pass.
Okay, Boycott Things That Support China
No problem. Fuck video games. Fuck Blizzard. Done! Easy. Because I don’t even play video games.
Well, okay, that doesn’t really do anything then. But I do use Microsoft who are complicit in the Chinese government’s crackdowns on Muslims and the research and development of facial recognition AI. So Microsoft is done! D-O-N-E, done! I’m a Google man from now on. I believe in not doing evil and that men are not any better at technology than women are and that if you think that, you are a bigot and deserve to be fired and starve to death living on the street. And trans-women should play sports with women and I actually hate my own penis.
Fuck.
Do-over. Boycott companies that punish those who would speak out against China
There we go. That’s all that really matters. The ability to voice dissent. The backbone of American law and governance and culture. The American proverbial asshole. Everyone’s got an opinion and they all stink! And any company built on the asshole of America owes a fealty to it; owes a debt to that asshole. A recognition of a basic human right–one of the many human rights we take for granted in America. Admittedly, America has eroded plenty of others: the right to commerce, the right to privacy, the right to love, the right to slap your wife; but we still protect the basics, goddammit!
The right to believe dumb shit. Check.
The right to talk shit. Check
The right to fuck up. Double check.
And any company that cannot recognize the violation of these rights should be held accountable. So just take all the money out of your wallet and chop off 25% of 25% of it and throw it in the trash, because that’s how much of the national debt China owns.
Fuck! I just realized 10% of concrete is imported from China. I need to get an excavator. I have a lot of digging to do. Where are excavators made? Google, where are exca–oh wait. I mean, Duck, Duck, Go.
Nevermind. Forget it.
Here’s JMAA’s book, “YOOTOOB! SUSAN’S DAY OF RETRIBUTION”. A quote from the author:
“Everyone is making videos of themselves publicly shitting and pissing on grocery store products and then eating it all together as the new social media trend, Stephen Colbert has become Stephanie Colbert, a transgender furry woman, and is publicly posting his tranny furry porn videos on YouTube without punishment, and there are ads on YouTube about an app that lets you control the mind of top-tier Hollywood celebrities.”
Wew!
“Dogs” by Hard Men Working Hard
Thumbnail of your brain on Dick by Sonic Phase
