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The tent-destroying armageddon of Burning Dick, shooting guns on acid, Decepticons on the road, advice for the terminally 5’11”, “vagina havers”, the Myers Briggs test, Barbie lectures white people, virgins with dating advice, New Diet Coke, Tony from “Hack the Movies” plugs his new Godzilla podcast, rewinding television, and arguing with consent; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
 Kevin the Engineer
Replacement engineer. |
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
 Tony from Hack the Movies
Host of Hack the Movies, winner of the first ever Asterios-a-like. |
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
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Tickets for Road Rage: Tampa are now on sale at tampa.dick.show! December 12th, 2020, join me for a once-in-a-lifetime mega show, with Revenge of the Cis, Karl from “Who Are These Podcasts?”, Madcucks, The Ralph Retort, probably Nick Rekieta, I don’t know because I just got back from the desert and I’m still trying to relearn how to be pissed off about politics. Get to Tampa. Get your ass to Tampa. In the luxurious and exciting Ybor City, which is completely open as if COVID never even fucking happened! Get your tickets today! But first…
You come back from the desert and it takes a while to get used to life as you remember it–because it’s not how you remember it. It’s not how anyone would remember it. There’s clearly been some sort of mistake. I know I should care about the Hunter Biden laptop, but I don’t. I know I should care about the extermination of the male race, but I don’t. They probably had it coming at least that’s the way things work in the desert. Something, something Federal Reserve…
Even a couple days. That’s all it takes to break the programming.
The programming is the “we”. The we in “We the people…”, the “r” doing your part, there is no “team” in “I”. “We” is a sign of mental illness. The great and metaphorical “us” upon which the trinity of civilization is built; father, son, and won’t someone think of the children.
We need to band together to get ourselves free healthcare and an education! If we don’t help ourselves, then who the hell will? It doesn’t even remotely make sense. If we don’t put an end to degeneracy and sin, then what’s to prevent us from falling to it? Who I ask you, who will save us from ourselves?
Hopefully, no one. Or maybe the answer is in some crackhead’s laptop or a tax return. Maybe there’s some magical phrase encoded in every other line item of Trump’s tax return that if you trick him into saying it, your father calls you and tells you he loves you. Maybe every child you save from a predator becomes yours in the afterlife. The New Puritans have 72 children waiting for them in heaven and they’re all going to call you “Dad” for the rest of eternity.
What in the fuck has lockdown done to us?
Accelerationism. This is what they wanted and they got it. Accelerated right off a cliff into a retarded abyss. At least we’re in it together.
“HMWH – If Only You Knew (How Good Things Could Be)” by the Hard Men Working Hard.
Thumbnail that’s having a good time by Cliff Campbell.
