Inventory control systems, my dog has the coof, crossing the street to avoid the police, the Raiders can breathe again, gender lessons for middle schoolers, Sports Bra Taylor calls in to read the news, Mr. Girl calls in to talk about his pedophile rap songs, the Chinese Nigerian penis trade, a botched threesome, the world’s unluckiest man, and how Sean would kill himself; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
The perfect newsgirl. Top 1% of OnlyFans.
Is a Rage!
Not a Rage.
Is a Rage!
Not a Rage.
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Lose some weight. Like all of it. Or let everyone laugh at your failure to do so in the first ever Dick Show Weight Loss Contest for Big, Fat Fucks. Register today at fat.dick.show. You missed the first week’s weigh-in, but let’s be honest, nobody has lost shit yet. Contest runs from now until July 4th. Dad bod is a cope. Get rid of it. Deregulate that ass. Stop drinking and then eating every half open bag of chips and beef jerky in the pantry, and making popcorn, and intending to make a quesadilla, but just eating the ingredients instead. Do it for you. Do it for Sportsbra Taylor. Just do the afore mentioned thing you can easily identify through context. Doesn’t have the same ring to it, but first…
Raj kept interrupting my joke, so here’s the punchline.
“I can’t tell if this is real, and my dream of being boobs is fake, or if my dream of being boobs is real and this is the nightmare.”
We’re through the inversion portal now. Grasping at disembodied components of life and culture within the Upside Down. Summaries and components and moments of sublime intuition that when combined make up less than the sum of their parts.
The disembodied are the survivors of this modern age. The faceless, the nameless, those unwilling to speak out. The activists in the streets and the sociopaths in the sheets. Waking up every day as a new person with a new purpose. History changing to drive it forward. New pieces, new memories. The promise of advertising has been fulfilled. It’s a brand new you!
A trans-Olympian TV star millionaire powered by a sex tape seeks to unseat a resident hairstyle as governor over one of the largest failed economies in the world. Because he locked everyone in prison for a year like they begged him to.
This is not a world for serious people. It’s a world for purveyors and consumers of nonsense.
Don’t try to compete with nonsense. The only thing that beats nonsense, is bigger nonsense. And if you troll too long at the abyss, the abyss also trolls into you.
I hate that quote now. It’s been fucked to death by clowns. Even the abyss could not survive.
“100 Percent” by Ken Doll in Hide.
Thumbnail of a customer service complaint by skush_art.