Welcome back from our brief, two-week hiatus! If you enjoyed the clip shows, you’re welcome! If you didn’t, it’s probably because disjointed clip shows with no additional value or commentary are stupid on a medium where you can pick reruns to listen to whenever you want and only existed in the first place because Maddox was afraid sponsors would see a drop in downloads over two weeks and be less interested in advertising on the show. Fuck your time! In hindsight, it might have saved everyone a lot of grief just to let Robin Higgins fill in as a co-host for two weeks. What’s the worst that could have happened? Anyway, during our time off, Madcucks learned how to read without sounding like he’s trying to gargle a cock made of marbles, I gained a chin, and Sean was in a custody battle. But first…
Back in pirate times, there were a class of government funded criminals called privateers who stole stolen booty from pirates, murdered the shit out of them, and do so with diplomatic immunity. How did they get away with it? They gave a portion of their re-plundered booty back to the government in tribute. Some people would just call that piracy with extra steps. Well that practice still exists today except the group of government funded pirates aren’t called privateers, they’re called the police, and they don’t call it plundering booty, they call it Civil Asset Forfeiture. Eek barba dirkle.
Police profit from Civil Ass. Forfeiture has exploded over the last 20 years, and when it comes to the future, the sky is the limit! If you’re interested in investing in this innovative industry of taking people’s shit, don’t worry, you already are.
Here’s Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas’ petition for a writ of certiorari denial, AKA a Tumblr post, on Civil Asset Forfeiture, if he thought it was a big enough problem and write a Tumblr post on, it might be worth voting up. I don’t think a supreme court justice ever wrote a Tumblr post on Slacktivism. And here’s a PDF of stats called Policing for Profit that I scanned to look for graphs and bullet points because the introduction wasn’t funny. The point is, buy guns and fuck the government.
Madcucks brings in Racism, presumably because he wasn’t asked to star in the new live-action Aladdin remake. It’s a problem that only Madcucks can do justice with his deep understanding of socio-political issues, economic theory, and playing video games.
But is the issue Racism or is it Racists? Is the issue one of systemic, institutionalized racism, the racism of lowered expectations as Dr. Bill Cosby would say, is it the genetically-encoded tribe mentality and distrust of anything and everything different that’s served our species well for the last 200,000 years, is it the demonization of correlation and brain washed inability to collectively recognize and discuss human history as it pertains to race, the sociological consequences of it, and the possibility of genetic factors that could exacerbate either of the former. Who knows. We’ll never find out on this show because Madcucks spends his entire segment reading Wikipedia and complaining about name-calling in Trump’s America.
[Madcucks’ Power Paragraph]
Dick’s libertarian Agenda is out in full force this episode, as he derails an important discussion about racism to be about history and whatever. I had a bunch of sources that I didn’t get a chance to talk about because we got off on a tangent. Like this article about the racism of Milk or this one where students vandalized a bathroom and finally this article and video about the fear of violence undertrump. Next time Dick has to go to Knott’s Berry Farm instead of making it to a recording Asterios and I will talk about it in much more detail.
Finally I bring in Dick Masterson, inarguably the Largest Issue in Existence. If you need any evidence check out TheDickShow.com where every week he shows how bad he really is.
Next, I bring in women who arch their back the wrong way while you’re plowing them doggy-style. It’s a huge problem, and it affects everyone in the world except for every girl I’m going to tell, “I wasn’t talking about you, baby, I was talking about other girls” after posting this. The good news is, I think it’s an issue where Slacktivism can actually make a difference! A rubber arm bracelet probably isn’t going to cure AIDS, but it might stop chicks from arching their back like a brontosaurus when they crawl into bed.
I propose a some slogans for my campaign to end the epidemic of chicks arching their backs the wrong way while you’re plowing them doggy-style.
Put that stomach on the floor or it’s out the door!
Pretend the ceiling is a space toilet, and put your asshole on it.
You want the D? Gime a B.
Arch your back, but not like that, the other way. Eh I lost it.
Finally, Madcucks brings in Dick Masterson, an obvious vote grab.
Tune in next week when we bring in Proton Decay, Bad Breath, The Federal Reserve, and April Fools Day “Jokes”!
After the credits, and apropos of nothing, I drop The Cocaine Goss. If the amazing and talented artist and God’s gift to leotards who told me the Cocaine Goss ever wants to be on the show to sell her wares or to call me a liar because it’s one or the other, it can’t be both, she knows where to find me!
Incendiary thumbnail by Brandon of Maximum! Panic.
A huge thanks to Madcucks for his help in this episode.