Bonus Episode 6 – Dick on The Wedding


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I have a mile of Goss to unload, MTV has some new year’s resolutions for white men, Asterios gets his personal and professional reputation put on the chopping block, my mind’s thoughts on the human mind, the creature, the wedding that killed the Biggest Problem, Sean reads an erotic story from a real man, Operation Honeypot, what “gross” thing I did to Larry, and the biggest sucker in the universe; all that and more on this month’s bonus episode of The Dick Show!

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MTV has some resolutions for “white guys”–which have more to do with being a man and less to do with being white, including “cops lives matter isn’t a thing”, “learn what mansplaining is and stop doing it”, and “stop using woke”. Thank God MTV is around to stop white men from their over-reliance on annoying slang. I talk about the video and add one of my own resolutions for men: stop apologizing to women and children. Instead of not mansplaining anymore, how about just stop ‘splaining anything. Good luck with your broken everything in the world, kids. See if you can virtue signal it back to life. The obnoxious millennial fix-it flowchart is as follows:

Step 1. Not getting your way? Roll your eyes.
Step 2. Still not getting it? Roll them harder.

Repeat until you’re fucking dead. God bless those of you who broke the mold and have never can’t even’ed. Your struggle is real. Stay woke.

Here is the video in question. MTV tried to scrub it from the internet, but that’s not a real thing anymore.

Speaking of scrubbing things from the internet…

I always play with fire when I can. It’s fun and I expect to get burned. I like it. It feels real. However, everyone is not me, and in this episode it’s Asterios who’s getting burned. Recently a DickHead rouge operative coaxed a mile-long conversation out of Maddox, very gently baiting him into assassinating Asterios’ personal and professional reputation. Here is the man in question: @RageTheGod. And here is the turn.

@RageTheGod posted the entire conversation at one point, but I can’t find it anymore. Perhaps it was deleted. If anyone hosted it, let me know and I’ll link to it here.

The point is, Maddox is now turning his SJW shame cannons from me to America’s Teddy bear, Asterios Kokkinos. It may seem harmless to some–just the desperate hissed gossipings of a 40-year-old man trying to subtly convince a random fan on the internet to like him more than Asterios (who has a wildly successful comedy Patreon), but what it really is is testing the waters. If Maddox is taking the time to tell one fan in secret about some mysterious thing Asterios did to his bitch of a girlfriend, then he’s certainly telling others, and once he finds the narrative that sticks, he’ll start telling personal friends, dropping it on Facebook, slipping it into conversation with people who know Asterios personally. This is the way he works. Trust me, I know Maddox. I would have to know him to beat him so hard and so regularly, and woke’edly.

Because of Maddox’s loose lips, I have a new policy. When I see that kind lying and implying from the late 90’s internet One-Hit Wonder, attempts to discredit anyone and insinuate more heinous and untrue bullshit, I’ll tell another story like I did on this episode. And believe me, I have a tomb of them that would make Scheherazade hoarse. As I say on the show, dogs need to be trained, and this Armenian dog should be writing another shitty book to pay his share of the rent instead of telling lies on the internet.

In this episode, I tell the story of the wedding that killed the Biggest Problem. Make of it what you will. I’m sure I left some parts out.

Asterios tells his own story, dropping some bombs on your moms of his own in the form of how much money Maddox paid for the Madcast Media website, one of the shittiest if not perhaps the shittiest website ever developed. The Madcast Media website looks like an old casino; half-baked concepts and abandoned sales pitches shilled at max capacity until the code is ready to burst, awkward E-list YouTube celebrities who have the personalities of dead fish hawking terrible entertainment products. The Madcast Media website is the fire sale of a dying brand.

Download the Madcast Mad-app! And use the Madcast app to mad-vote more podcasts in the Super Podcast Video Games Reference Challenge! Then see if your mad-vote can guess Maddox’s real opinion or his fake opinion! Now you’re part of the Mad Crew of Crude Dudes…Don’t forget to drink your Mad-Ovaltine! It might shock you to find that someone was paid a grip of money to tug this UX abortion out of the ether. Well Asterios knows exactly how much, and he tells us on this episode.

When woke PT Barnum said there was a sucker born every minute, this is what he meant. I did forget to ask Asterios one important question, however, have you ever seen Maddox cry? Thank God we have plenty more bonus episodes.

Finally, we finish the episode with a beastly erotic story read by Sean the Audio Engineer. Does he sound as sexy as he looks? Find out for yourself.

World colliding remix that is woke af by Sam Glaze.

And very woke thumbnail by Brandon from Maximum! Panic. Check out his live stream to see how the sausage is made.