Episode 129 – Dick on The Crying Game


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Civil War Games, men crying, hugging your kids with nuclear arms, the “Lethal Weapon” matinee in my pants, typos in a suicide note, mom’s crappy home WiFi, Johnny’s dad’s dick pic, Christopher the Kiwi proposes to his inmate girlfriend, Thanksgiving and everything wrong with it, fire sympathies, the ACLU, Red Dead Redemption 2 is turning frogs gay, strangling Mom, “The Fattener”, fattening, and ruination fetishes, phimosis, getting Digibro’s dad laid, four beers, the passing of Andy Lee AKA Call Of The Deep, and how hot would your cousin have to be to bang her; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Digibro
Otaku Gonzo Journalist, Co-host of the Pro Crastinators, Robe Enthusiast.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Christopher the Kiwi
Wants to meet an inmate. Threatened to chop a girl's fingers off.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
See All Co-Hosts

Maddox’s lawsuit against Asterios has been dismissed WITH PREJUDICE. That means Maddox can no longer file the same lawsuit against Asterios in the state of New York. Maddox AKA King Cuck AKA The Egg with AIDS AKA The World’s Biggest Failure has lost in court for a fourth time, and Judge Charles “The Ram” Ramos has also ordered Maddox to pay Asterios court filing fees of $290. It may not seem like a lot, and while sanctions still linger about, threatening to pick a time to strike like a risky fart, and the Doomstar of a Countersuit remains merely a prophesy impending from deep outer-fuck-space, teasing at the edge of incipience, make no mistake, this is the first blood Maddox has shed. It may only be $290. It may cost more than that to recover from his decoy wallet, but it is flesh nonetheless, and Asterios will take pounds of it from the Coward known as Maddox by the time this is over. But first…

War! I’m for it, but only for the right kind. All these decades we’ve spent flushing money down the toilet in the Middle East, sending good fiat after bad, fighting stereotypes in the name of stereotypes, faceless, with no context or future–no questions asked of our submissive dance partner, punching and fucking in the dark like a not-too-cheap hooker on Backpage or the Gay Orgy Dome at Burning Man where there is no light and no God. In our escape from consequences, it has been deeply unsatisfying.

A Civil War however…that’s what the country needs. Antifa knows it, the Proud Boys know it, Mark Cuckerberg knows it sitting in his Ivory tower with his Bat Computer trying to figure out how to make a sequel to The Highlander while the world burns (because he’s the last 90 seconds of the first movie). Congressman Eric Swalwell knows it obviously from his recent comments, and I’m sure all of his buddies do too. They’re running on it.

“The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure,” once said Thomas Jefferson. Well the tree of everyone not being annoyed the fuck out of constantly must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of friends and family and annoying assholes you went to high school with who can’t shut the fuck up about Trump. They are shit.

“Brother against brother!” They say, but that is just a superset for, “guys who make you watch Saturday Night Live clips and then look at you until you laugh against people who want you to have conversations about the N-word!”

Their side will have nukes, yes I’ll give you that, but our side knows where their children go to school. We prepare their wives’ Postmates and set up their email accounts; we guard their Zappos orders while they sleep. Do not fuck with us!

I’m excited about a Civil War! I think it would be a good match, and I’d put money on it. Or at the very least a pretend Civil War. We need a stand in because the existing ones have been assimilated. The Olympics is a marketing platform to sell ads based on stories of survival and not triumph. Triumph doesn’t sell cars. Victory doesn’t sell shit because it is the product. And politics is a pulpit and a puppet theater for proselytizers and the virtuous nWo–Hulk Hogan’s, the less ridiculous one. And I’m tired of masking aggression in sarcasm and wit and arguments and doping myself up with video games and liquor. But tis the season.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

My livestream drawing of this week’s thumbnail wherein I also draw Maddox, Asterios, and Mundane Matt sexually assaulting a boulder. Two of the three people in it will not respond to my mockery because they are intimidated by my overwhelming vitality and manly essence.

Here is a timelapse for the short of attention span.

And finally, here is a gallery of Andy Lee AKA CalloftheDeep’s thumbnails and other assorted pics he made for the show. RIP in peace, my dude. You gave me a sense of pride I can only endeavor to pay forward. If you want to do right by Andy, follow his last words and, “Lighten the fuck up!”

“No Comment” by the Hard Men Working Hard.

A thumbnail to make Andy Lee AKA CalloftheDeep roll in his grave by me.

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