Episode 139 – Dick on Cheating Yourself

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“Gay Ops”, the real, ultimate power of yes/no questions, the Winners Drink bar map, the magic of Jesse Lee Peterson, to cheat or not to cheat, Mental Jess violates her restraining order, the cult of Dad, Asterios gets an article in Vice and Mike Gamms: “leftist thug” and Maddox’s bff freaks out, the virgin lie challenge, the MLK of shitlords, Null from KiwiFarms gets stalked, and calling places to see if they’re open; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

My Life Coach
A brewer and a patriot.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Owner/Admin of Kiwi Farms, Former 8chan dev, Advocate of not fucking up.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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I would rather read my own obituary than an article in Vice magazine. I’d rather read Satan’s asshole than an article in Vice magazine. I’d rather read sexts between Maddox and my mother about spreading hips than the trash set to print by commie, America-hating Vice magazine, but this one time, I’ll make an exception, because I love all people. Vice covers the Lolsuit in a way that is remarkably complimentary to both me and the show–I can almost hear the gnashing of the teeth and the puckering of ads between the lines, but still it remains. Check it out if you want to relive the drama and get the perspective of an ultra-prog on the dead star of Maddox’s career and rebirth as a litigious weasel. The insults are great and the theme of Maddox’s failure is absolute. Vice magazine finds his masculinity lacking. There could be no greater shame.

When you’re done, listen to this week’s episode to see what happened afterwards, as Maddox’s team of new media derelicts, parasites, and failures run defense in what is called “Gay Ops” for their “awesome friend” and exposure host. But first…

Yes or No?

It is the question that has stumped a thousand ships, and I never would have guessed it before consuming a metric fuck-ton of Jesse Lee Peterson clips this week.

“Has he had a stroke?” You might ask. Yes or no?

“Is he a troll?” You might also ask. Yes or no?

“Do you care about the negative effects of illegal immigration on black people?” Yes or no?

Intellectualism has reached such a frightening zenith that jackasses on the Internet with self-appointed PhDs of thought and reason are able to out-think the bounds of reality itself, crafting new gods on-the-fly that don’t resemble their father in any way at all, building a morality as relative as a cousin you want to bang, and as permanent as it is meaningful: which is to say, not at all. It’s a fluid world of wax and a congress of anti-fallacy and unreason and Thing Theory, where nothing is anything, everywhere is unpossible–and likely so, and the only thing to fear is choice itself. Yes or no.

And my God does it look laborious to maintain. A virtual, imaginary world of no consequence running on a simulator in the meatspace of your head. Burning cycles.

If you bullshit for too long, you start believe your bullshit, and then you will become bullshit.

Guy writes in this week asking if he should cheat on his girlfriend. But he already did. And my advice to him is to make a choice. Yes or no. Because if you don’t make a choice, life will choose for you. Life will choose your wife, your job, your healthcare, your retirement, your milkshake. Life will make a choice and then give it to you to raise as if it was your own, making you something that I can’t quite remember right now.

It is an exhibition of power to choose, and easy to see how the very real death of the hypothetical is also the appeal of an anti-choice philosophy like intellectualism–that starts with a bicycle and ends in a postmodernist hell inside your own head. The path of least resistance in a world of democratized publishing that beats everything down into its casual usage. This is thinking! You will hear. This is debate, but it isn’t. Eventually, someone will pull a trigger, someone will say “I do”, someone will fuck their cousin. Don’t you want to? Yes or no.

Here is Jesse Lee Peterson’s “debate” with Destiny we watched before this show. It’s one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

“Mambo No. Nazi” by Ken Doll in Hide.

“Advice for Waut3rboi” by Uncle Buck and The Cucksockers.

“Makin Hay” by the Hard Men Working Hard

Dick Pics!

A thumbnail I want to play by Clay Burton.