Episode 194 – Dick on Mad Hoes

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The Road Rage: Los Angeles 2 venue cancels on account of “hate”, finger whistlers, cam wh*res throw learn to read because of computer competition, a new challengers tries to reboot TBPITU, oddguy calls in about a suicide, how not to get burned by she’s got a boyfriend, Joaquin Phoenix and his terrible Oscar speech, reclining plane seats, women on small penises, dead pets in VR, the ACLU vs. women, and Quantitative Easing; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

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Prank calling his way out of debt to Uncle Sam, YouTube, Patreon.
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The show is on! It doesn’t have a home yet, but Road Rage: Los Angeles 2, Maddox’s Funeral will proceed as scheduled. We’ve got a dead career to mourn after all and it’s not getting any warmer. This episode, I tell the story of Busby’s East, a woke bar in mid-Wilshire that is run by the completely retarded, . Anyway, their poor life skills are your gain, as what was once a sold out show, now has more tickets. Get tickets today at tickets.dick.show!

But first…

Industrialized farming is the biggest problem in the universe. Imagine you’re a cow. You about to have a calf, a baby that you can love and care for–it could go to cow college and being the first cow on Mars, or maybe it will just raise a cow family of its own, but then BAM! Your cow fantasy is ruined when your baby is ripped away from you by some greedy farmer just so you can have your milk harvested and put into some rich Hollywood asshole’s coffee. And here comes the worst part, it all could have been prevented if you could have just gotten an abortion. Reproductive rights for cows are the biggest problem in the universe. Consent laws. Free access to birth control. Why do the pink udder milking things cost 75 cents more than the blue ones? Something needs to change.

Industrialized farming packs chickens into spaces the size of a shoe box, where they can’t even lift their heads up to chicken head properly or flap their wings. They have cage sores that ooze and bleed, and for what? So some fat slob can eat stuff his face with breakfast burritos while he’s watching sportsball? Something needs to change. The government needs to act now and provide affordable housing for chickens. Affordable, dignified, subsidized; with access to continued education facilities and vocational training. No longer should chickens have to live in substandard conditions. They should be able to engage in commerce and enrich their communities. They should be able to eat whatever they want. They deserve choice.

Industrialized farming causes extreme suffering in pigs. They are kept in gestation crates for their entire lives; small slatted pens that prevent the pigs from moving or turning around and allows waste from the pigs above them to constantly rain down upon them. Gallons and gallons of piss and shit from other pigs that dump down on them for their entire lives, shit from other pigs shitting up their face, getting in their ears, getting into their own mouths until they’re just eating shit and then spewing it out when they talk without even knowing it. Any stupid shit that some idiot pig got from another pig gets gobbled up and then re-shit out only to rain on the next pig, and then the next pig, and so on. The pigs at the top–the pretty ones without shit all over them–just constantly shitting on the pigs beneath them. Something needs to change. The government needs to install a system of conveyor belts in pig pens. Conveyor belts that take the shit on the bottom, the shit from the most dumped on pigs, and move it to re-dump onto the pigs on top–even though there aren’t many of them on top, maybe 1%–they deserve to get shit all over them too.

And that’s the joke!

Here is MC Jarbo with “Fuck Em Dead II” featuring lakembra from the Hard Men Working Hard!

Dick Pics

Thumbnail of a milk guardian by protski.