Episode 199 – Dick on Troll Hair

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I get my hair cut like a troll doll, Road Rage: LA is canceled, Martial Law were declared, 8chan founder Fredrick Brennan, the creator of 8chan, calls in and has an argument, Carldo2: the NYC COVID-19 sanitization hero calls in, Arby’s sends me a coupon, Ari talks about cruises and ankle bracelets, I get a hamster and defend liberty against all the grandma lovers; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Ariane Jolie
Actress, model, singer. Instagram Twitter
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Owner/Admin of Kiwi Farms, Former 8chan dev, Advocate of not fucking up.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
NYC HAZMAT suit guy. Twitter YouTube Instagram
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Fredrick Brennan
Creator of 8chan.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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Road Rage: Los Angeles 2 is canceled. And I still need to refund everyone’s ticket. But rest assured, we’ll do the show again. We’ll do it in a new America. One without disease and without grandmas. We’ll do the show in an America without racism or fear or globalism. A world with no jobs or healthcare or roads or bars or drunk driving. All vaccines will be mandatory. There will be a database of every chemical in your body updating in real time and you will pay for this in a currency that changes daily. This America will be a big and beautiful Wahmerica; the Constitution will be a fetus. An America run by a church–not THE church, where every decision is designed by an artificially intelligent clump of cells to be the greatest good. Roving bands of rapists and criminals will be on hand to protect you. They will be everywhere. You won’t be able to avoid them. I can’t wait! But first…

There are a lot of ways to die. You can die in a car accident. You can die in a global pandemic. You can die in a hail of gunfire after being radicalized on a right-wing website. But it’s when you can do these things to over people that it becomes a problem.

Hi, I’m your imagination and welcome to my Ted Talk.

You can be fatter than hell. You can have children. You will make them fat. You will significantly reduce their quality of life. You will make friends fatter and unhealthier. Science supports this conclusion. Your over-eating is caused by this cycle and your inability to cope with the stresses of daily life. You will be fined ten percent of your wages every day until your stress levels improve.

You can smoke. You are a walking cancer agent. Even when you aren’t smoking, you are radiating cancer-causing chemicals. Science supports this. A certain percentage of children who see you smoke will smoke themselves. A certain percentage of people a certain percent of the time will smoke with you. A certain percentage of them will die. You are statistically guilty of murder in the forth dimension. Your sentence may or may not begin now.

You have saluted a troop. This is aggravated complicity with an advertisement and a potential future war crime. Please report to your nearest incinerator for the greater good.

There are a lot of ways to lose your freedoms as well. The NSA can see and hear you 24 hours a day because you’re as important as James Bond. Your wife can prevent you from fucking your secretary who wants you. Every woman wants you. You might want to go outside at some point. Not today, but at some point.

Hi, I’m the other guy. The other ad campaign. And this is my Ted Talk.

The NEETs and feminists and journalists and click-whores have overrun the economy. I don’t know why we let them. Complicity. Boredom. Biden. But when faced between the two options of work and death, the people who would choose death no matter what have chosen it for us all. All we had to do was wash our hands and stop sticking everything into our mouths to see if it would fit. But we know we can’t. Mankind’s desire to suck cock has cost us trillions of dollars, jobs, future happiness. All we had to do was lock down the borders, like that’s so fucking complicated, but we like sucking cocks too much. All kinds of cocks.

Given the choice between liberty and death, I choose somewhere in the middle, just like everyone else. I probably choose a little more toward the liberty side, but you know. I get it.

I was wrong about my haircut, I have seen it before. On women. Here’s a great side-by-side comparison of my haircut to a Dickhead’s girlfriend’s.

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A quarantined by HeHeSilly.