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Backing up trailers and gold driver’s licenses, gas weed wackers, The Dick Show Weight Loss Contest for Big Fat Fucks, Johnson Brown’s penis extending machine, private national parks, striking teachers, women abdicating responsibility, how to make an imaginary girlfriend, and not being first pick; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
 Cantillions
Titanic Prankster. Co-host of the Chris Cant Cast. |
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
 JohnsonBrown
Brainwashed as a teenager, leg lengthening surgery guy, creator of Colony Siege. |
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
 Tulpabrah
|
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
| See All Co-Hosts | |
The bad guys won. They took our jobs. They took our meme president. They are injecting nanobots made of Michelle Obama’s semen into our bodies, but that’s not the worst part. The worst part is, we’re all fatter than fuck. That’s the pandemic for you! That’s where I come in. It’s time for the first ever Dick Show Weight Loss Contest for Big Fat Fucks, starting April Fat-teenth (15th). Starve yourself, hack your body parts off, dump your girlfriend or wife; all that matters is that you lose as much weight as possible!
There will be prizes of some kind. Probably shitty ones. Or like all you can eat coupons to Krispy Kreme. That would be funny.
Anyway, register for the contest at fat.dick.show. There is not one person I have ever met on this Earth who doesn’t need to be in this contest. It will run from April 15th to July 4th, so liberate yourself from that big fat gut this year and join The Dick Show Weight Loss Contest for Big Fat Fucks today! But first…
How big is big enough? That is the question.
Whether it is acceptable in the mind to suffer
the zings and narrows of shocking penis adequacy
Or to pick up a PenimasterPro against your average dong
And by growing it, ending them. Limp; Impotence,
No more; And with a not-working weiner to say we end
the dissapointments and the thousand whiskey dicks
that the penis is heir to; tis a dream for
wizards to be wished. A broken dick,
Perchance to play video games all day. Without a rub;
For in that broken penis what bro-downs may come.
When we have ignored all bitches,
We must accquire currency. And stack Sats.
Then all of our fucking troubles are over.
Who would want a giant dick anyway?
All kinds of dudes always wanting to see it?
Just like when you work out at the gym.
It’s not for chicks, it’s for other guys.
Guys and fatsos with their unworthy takes.
Hitomi Tanaka is still not going to bang you.
Trump won’t ever be president again.
Who would yank on their dick for hours every day;
Unless, you’re telling me that there’s a chance…?
Big penis country, from those who go
There’s no turning back. It bottles the mind.
And this makes us cry harder, and cope.
Rather than stretch, stretch, stretch our dongs!
Thus women do make cowards of us all.
And our natural inclination to over-think it
Has fucked us in the ass.
And penises of great size and significance
That would blow your ass wide open.
Remain small. Don’t @ me, Hitomi Tanaka.
Voted AVN’s Most Spectacular Boobs
I swear this rarely happens to me.
Johnson’s Johnson Penis Extension Blog
Thumbnail that could lose a few pounds by PixelHenkie.
