Download the MP3 | Watch the Video
The price of lumber skyrockets, Jeopardy stands against anything resembling hate, Maddox’s obsession with the cartel, the cyst guy calls in, Madcucks cheats, FOMO ruins Burning Man, Tony from Hack the Movies talks Mortal Kombat, Crippled Jesus comes out as gay, the way strippers treat you, no team captains for kids, and Maddox for governor; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
MadCucks
Writer, Creator of the Bestest Show in the Universes, co-host of Here's What I Don't Get |
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
 Crippled JesusVery insensitive. |
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
 Tony from Hack the Movies
Host of Hack the Movies, winner of the first ever Asterios-a-like. |
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
| See All Co-Hosts | |
This month’s bonus episode is out! As you know because we spend about ten minutes talking about Maddox and his strange obsession with THE CARTEL in the beginning of today’s episode. There are cartel-based romance novels written for just such an obsession. I don’t get it. I’ll take how to enhance a popsicle story for $1,488, Alex. Anyway, check it out at Patreon.com/TheDickShow!
But first…
FOMO is a mental illness. The debilitating inability to regulate one’s own emotional state based on imaginary stimuli. It’s something that children suffer from–and a generation raised by the mentally undeveloped and through parables created under great duress by the catastrophically dysfunction. FOMO is a mental illness, but fortunately a curable one! We only have to turn all sufferers into pure light, able to experience every moment in the present and in the future simultaneously and to the fullest. Therapy is a cope. Take two nukes and call me in the morning. And then we never have to deal with your shit again.
No one else can have fun if I’m not. No one else can experience death and tragedy and reap a harvest of attention for it if I’m not. No one else can be or think or grow if I’m not. And I’m not.
Like all mental illnesses, it’s worn as robes of the finest silk, which should be illegal because I might not be able to afford them and I don’t really like the feeling of silk, so I don’t get it. It’s infectious. Did you FOMO this round? Did you FOMO the FOMO. Look at my IG. Look at my curated experience. Eternal vigilance is the cost of this breezy and carefree lifestyle. No one did their homework last night, right? We all suffer together from this, right? I didn’t get a Harumph out of that guy.
Survival is starvation. And the soul is starving. All this experience shit. Locked inside of a Prison Planet. Likes wrung from a stone, crabs in a bucket, moons over my hammy, these are the days of our FOMO.
Support the troops! Join the troops! Or you’ll be missing out.
I’ve made a huge mistake.
“C U C K” by Paul Spencer.
