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Topless Elliot Page marks the first day of summer, the war on blackface, kid-friendly Pride, lack of bidets, fat brain, how to poop, Seth Rogan contributes to the balkanization of comedy, why fake aliens, and Sean has a blowout; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
 Johnny the Audio Engineer
Did a great job. People who walk without purpose. |
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
 Vito
A typical neckbeard. The guy who vaped Belle Delphine's bathwater. |
Is a Rage! Not a Rage. |
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Next year marks the five year anniversary of The Dick Show! It seems like we’ve celebrating another one of these stupid milestones every other week, and this one will be no different! Leave a voicemail about your favorite moment over the last five years and/or your predictions about the next five years, and I will play them throughout the show. Thank you all for listening, but especially thank all of you Dick Show Patreonis who get show video, bonus episodes, cross-overs, and a bunch of other shit at Patreon.com/TheDickShow! Here’s to another five years! Maybe the curve will be flattened by then. But first…
“Why would they lie to us about aliens?” he says.
They’re a highly advanced shared conscious that has been monitoring us for some time. They have lived through the trials and dangers we currently face; dangers like global warming, the women’s soccer team not being paid as much as the men’s team, and Islamaphobia. They have lived through these trials and they have overcome them in a way that they will express mathematically and our experts will explain. If only we listen!
Their magic technology can make you immortal and give you pleasure and awareness beyond your wildest dreams. Take a shot every time someone says “a sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” You will be dead.
Stabilizing the Middle East, the cybernetic control of all transactions, a blood tax. These are integral components in maintaining contact with the aliens, delivered to us from on high, carried out with military precision by the military so that we don’t scare away they and their divine alien blessings.
Lo and behold, the kingdom of alien will come with observable signs, but only by the experts! The news will tell you, look there it is! Go chase after them, capture lightning in a bottle, lighting up the Instagram from one end to the other, so will be the son of man AND WOMAN on this alien day. But first, he must pay. Pay for this and many things rejected by this generation.
More for Man. More for aliens. More for Israel.