Episode 269 – Dick on Motherfuckers

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Chris Chan breaks the Internet, the pronoun warriors over-swing, funding breast reductions, separate but equal job websites, PayPal joins forces with the ADL, #CancelRent, Karl calls in to argue about the Olympics, the case-counting runaway train, dog grooming licenses, and myth busting Lizzo’s stage dive; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Karl from Who Are These Podcasts?
Host of "Who Are These Podcasts?", professional podcast critic, Bills fan.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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An all new bonus episode of The Dick Show is up at Patreon.com/TheDickShow!

This just might be my very favorite episode, with heroin soda, greeting cards for men, an N-word defense generator, little girls’ gymnastics Tamogotchi, $80,000 vaccinations, Forever Whiskey, and Maddox getting a probable prostitute off with a kitchen appliance. And he tells the whole story.

Get it today at Patreon.com/TheDickShow!

Also, check out a new episode of The Biggest Problem in the Universe at biggestproblem.show!

But first…

Imagine a world where cases are on the rise. There’s cases, and they’re on the rise. Like a billion dollar space cock shooting up to just before space. Here’s a case, there’s a case, everywhere a case case, old Fuck-donalds has a case. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, and now you’re dead. And now everything is locked down again.

You used to be able to walk right up to the gate at airports.

Super-charged scraps of RNA are flinging around your universe right now, gobbling up genes and shitting out tyranny and time.

When you think about it, it might be easier to just let rent be free. I mean…in the long run, it’s probably cheaper. Why deal with all the paper work? What is the point of moving? Just tell the government how much you owe yourself and they’ll add it to the social security they won’t be paying you in forty years. Property is theft. BlackRock is efficient. Don’t like it?

Shadowy super-coders are using encryption to fund their financial crimes, and their anti-inflationary temporal terrorism; hacking their way through time. They’ve covered themselves in proxies and hardware and are developing in reverse, back to the past, to find the moment everything precipitously went wrong like Cable in the X-Men cartoon. A moment that did trigger a chain of events that would become an avalanche of irony that would build to a recursive and nihilistic storm of acedia, a despondent meme-ball rolling metaphysically and non-linearly through a collective, Jungian self-loathing.

Chris Chan raped his mom…allegedly. Who knows! The best case scenario is that it happened and we know that it happened. The worst case is all other cases.

Trillions of people will die because of the National Debt over the next ten thousand years. And because of the Middle East. We will die in prison camps. The government is a criminal enterprise that holds a monopoly on violence and deploys the maximum allowable amount to all of its citizens at all times.

But Chris Chan raped his mom…allegedly. It’s starting to balance out.

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Thumbnail that is moving on up by Venom Art.

That’s why criminal defense lawyers are important!