Episode 273 – Dick on WATP Live

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A plague of fatsos have made chairs obsolete, a pilot throws a tantrum on a flight, lies about e-cigarettes, getting in altercations at a White Sox game, The Taliban goes to Mars, the WATP Live show, Chris the Kiwi calls in, the Madcast Media Network goes dark, and the Margarita question; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Writer, Creator of the Bestest Show in the Universes, co-host of Here's What I Don't Get
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Christopher the Kiwi
Wants to meet an inmate. Threatened to chop a girl's fingers off.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
See All Co-Hosts

A new bonus episode is out, but is it a pizza or a drink? You’ll have to listen to find out. It’s probably the funniest one we’ve ever done covering: drinks entirely made of mixers, alcoholic breast milk, army de-recruitment ads, decoy semen for rich men, a double platinum Taliban comedy album, The Spider Phone, some way to find all your lost shit, Women’s Equality Day, and Maddox makes a good Margarita. Check it out at Patreon.com/TheDickShow! But first…

The country was shut down because of obesity. And unfortunately, there’s no vaccine for it.

Or I guess it would be called a leaky vaccine. New Year’s resolutions, fat shaming, diet soda.

It’s 2042. The average American child is six hundred pounds and can no longer fit through doors, experts say. The Blackistani community has been hit especially hard by this. Luckily, the National Director of Health and Human Services and the CDC and the Department of Education and the military have teamed up to destroy all public buildings and rebuild them in the divine image of the unholy; a nine hundred-armed beast, the size of a planet, who is at all times gorging itself on the sinful. Depraved in its gluttony. The children know him as “Orange Man Bad”.

Humanity is now doomed to an end game of medical fascism. The virus is here forever and it will get worse as long as it is being harbored by the unwitting and unwilling. Your government assigned health will be updated and tracked via the block chain. No smart phone? No problem. It comes in the form of an invisible tattoo injected into your face by a woman wearing military updated camo. The military camo now comes in the form of protesters to blend in with the landscape of the country. Faces twisted in agony and violence. Pictures of your family are downloaded from the cloud through a partnership with the Amazon: Pentagon and the Facebook Metaverse are displayed on the uniforms in a living Rorschach. Subliminal sissy-hypno advertising mixed in. “I LOVE YOU. DO NOT RESIST.”

US Military dogs are waking up in Afghanistan today eager to start their new life. Maybe they’re the ones flying the helicopters?

Dick Pics

Thumbnail of a pandemic by protski.