Episode 277 – Dick on Raz0rfist

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Raz0rfist calls in about the results of the AZ audit, my dad crashes his bike and loses his mind, Chris the Kiwi leaves reviews on brothels, KFC is illegal in New Zealand, bodies with vaginas are a thing now, my Christmas decorations for men, more advice on going to Greenland, and Brian Laundrie gets put in a self-defense situation; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
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A hot new WATP/TDS crossover has hit exclusive Patreon stands around the world at Patreon.com/TheDickShow and Patreon.com/whoarethesepodcasts. Join me and Karl and Sean and Vinnie Paulino as we review Gaysian, a show that is more obsessed with being gay than Patty C Cups. We then listen to some episodes of Dead Town, a show that has taken a severe and lazy shift toward creepypasta, and finally three more awful, awful chapters of F*ck Whales. Holy shit, when will this book ever end. Listen and cringe with us, but first…

You can hear the end of the world. You might not know that you’ve been hearing it for some time. It is a prolonged and deafening roar, thundering in your bones like the horn of Ragnarök, deafening your soul like the Seven Trumpets of Revelation, shocking and cold and panicked like a ring tone in court and everyone knows its you. Doodle-do-do, doodle-do-do, doodle-do-do…! The all-consuming, omnipresent nuclear blast of noise that scorches all that it reaches and reaches all the world. Run if you can, hide if you can’t. Cover your ears if you must, but you cannot escape it. You have heard it before. You have heard it your entire life and it sounds like this…


The end. The end is near. The apocalypse of the retarded is at hand.

Excuse me! I mean the apocalypse of the bodies currently experiencing retarded is at hand.

What is an audit? I don’t know. Something for chuds. Racist. Spernglish.

I hope that we will speak different languages within my lifetime. That communication among the woke and fat and ineffectual will accelerate so quickly away into post reality, it will no longer contain any references therein. The event horizon. The full retard.

“Thy immersed ourself into a praxis cave, a homey balomey and tax the rich. It’s problematic, and intersectionalizationally sound, but thine access would be profound.”

“No I don’t have an OnlyFans, but fuck you for asking.”

The rules do not exist out of fairness, they exists out of fear [sic]. There is no rule but the golden rule: if enough people are afraid of it, it’s wrong. Being unvaccinated is wrong, a beautiful young women getting killed is wrong, auditing votes is wrong. Everything else is just a statistic.

The Cosmic Background Hurrrr continues radiating across the universe, expanding faster than spacetime itself. If there is intelligent life out there, it will know we are retarded first. It will be annihilated by the shockwave of it. But there is no intelligent life out there. It’s just rocks and hydrogen space monkeys with jizz for brains. Fuck it. Shut it down.

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Thumbnail of something I can’t remember by Corgan.