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A diarrhea cake for dogs, filing false police reports, sliding into Tessa Fowler’s DMs, sleeping in your car, an easy fix for inflation, someone complains about staying poor, a black box for climate change, 1984 told from a woman’s perspective, kids eating on the ground, and a very fat woman; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
Shit! I forgot to do the Flurk contest again. I’ll do it next week I promise! Maybe I’ll do a two-for-one. Only way to know for sure is to subscribe to Patreon.com/TheDickShow. See you there, but first…
When you die, and when you get past the pearly gates, a collection of angels sits you down on a golden throne. They carry in a folding table and put it in front of you. And on that table, they put your life. Pictures of a handful of ladies you banged. Maybe some pets. The time you got on the news for seeing a car accident. A video of a Christmas you can’t quite remember, but you know it was a good one. A wife and two and a half kids, or maybe not. A deep fake video of your dad saying he was proud of you.
And the angels sit there and stare at you with big dumb looks on their face as if to say, “Look at this haul.” and “Boy I bet you’re proud of us for doing our jobs.”
But you’re not.
Still they stand there and they smile wearing bulletproof vests and congratulating each other. Someone takes a picture of it to put in the paper. Maybe God. There was something they were missing. Oh yeah! It was that time you called a woman fat on national television. You remember it and wake up and find yourself in hell. Some demons sit you down on a throne of lies and bring in a folding table. On that folding table a collection of demons bring out a folding table. On that folding table a collection of demons bring out a folding table…