Episode 290 – Dick on Shooting Your Eye Out

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I get shot in the eye, Mr. Girl calls in about starting a cult and stopping his girlfriend’s HRT, Tariq Nasheed’s homosexual Buck Breaking NFTs, Sean throws a snowball at a man’s face, and advice on quitting your job; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Mr. Girl
Satirist. YouTube
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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A new bonus episode of The Dick Show will be out in a couple days at Patreon.com/TheDickShow. Also, everyone should finally be getting their Criminalize Sobriety and I Like Jokes shirts, tank tops, and hoodies. There were more fuck ups this time around, so I’ll probably do a reprint in a week or two to make up for it. Good news if you missed out! Keep an eye on shop.dick.show if you want in, but first…

I guess some funny things happened this year. The Capitol Riots were funny. All those senators and stuff hiding under desks like an atomic bomb had just been inexplicably launched by China at their biggest consumer and foreign debtor. But it was only funny for about a day. Then came the histrionics. The trash collecting, the pearl clutching, the military industrial compounds. Then came the lames.

They take it from you, is the lesson. The funny part. They enter in ravenous swarms, consuming attention and shitting it out as concern. Drowning you and everything you love in lame. And then you are screaming too, like a lame.

Well, I can’t believe there’s a vaccine requirement for a bler blar blur. Dar dar dee dar dar!


The Matrix also happened this year. And that sucked. A movie about two gay men trying to get the attention of a straight man written by a woman.

There is no more human network. It’s a system of memories and degradation. Ties like cartoon pies that disintegrate when a person walks into the room. Until someone speaks and ruins it. Everyone did such a great job in 2021 that they deserve an award. We have to do ten every second to get through the whole country, so get your shit together, get your award receiving robe together, and figure out where your last name goes on the chart. August will be a big month for S’s.

I really don’t know what else to do. We’ve got to flood the system with bullshit. Dilute the lame shit with ironically lame shit. And then learn to live in and breathe shit. But I say “we” like a person with a mental illness.

Hopefully, there will be funny things in 2022. Consume and immediately move on or learn to breathe shit.

“I Kill Pedophiles” by Mr. Girl

Thumbnail of vengeance by Corgan!