The Honkening, Addidas sponsors a fat woman lying down, knock-off clothes for Valentine’s Day, twenty years of soft weiners on HBO, antiwork and the jannies who ruined it, Batman guns for cops, a guy kills his dad, dating while blind, “it was fate” that you broke your foot, and some Patty C Cups stand-up; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
Tickets for Road Rage: Los Angeles 2…the 300 are on sale now! Nick Rekieta is gonna be there. Josh Denny is gonna be there. Vito is gonna be there. Sean is gonna be there. Maybe my dog will be there! I just hope my fucking foot is better by then, so I can break it again at the Dames and Games afterparty.
Venue is downtown. I’ll announce it on the day of the show, so remember to check your email!
Also, there’s an all new WATP/TDS Crossover! Join Karl, Sean, and I as we review Spanko! The adult spanking fetish podcast, and also Patty C Cups new venture into 60 second reviews, more of his shitty standup, a live reading and bombing, and two chapters of “F*ck Whales”. This might be my favorite crossover yet. Get it today! But first…
The Honkening is upon us. Tens of thousands of truckers and patriots descending on the make-believe city of Ottawa and protesting in a most devastating way; sitting in a stationary manner and making as much noise as possible. Baby tactics. And it has reduced the Canadian government to simpering impotence, and sobbing. Begging for the sweet release of death like a single mother.
Someone do something about this.
Leadership has fled.
Maybe it’s just that easy to fight back against tyranny and turn the tide for freedom. It is the most annoying sound in the world. People will do anything to escape it. What are you gonna do, stab me?
“Sir, you need to put your mask on–”
“Honey, we need to have a talk–”
“This is a final warning from the IRS regarding your missing payments–”
HONK HOOOONK!! HOOOOONK!!
I say we give it a shot! It’s our existence really that’s the problem. They want us brainwashed and dead, and educated and dead, and unvaccinated and dead, and, more importantly, quiet. No more fat jokes, no more making fun of anyone. No more pointing out how stupid their plans are. No more reminders that their parents were right.
“The power dynamic between–”
“Why does the left drive in a parkway, but the right can only park in a driveway–?”
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!! HONK HONK HONK!!”
The words aren’t working. The debates are cringe. And our fat jokes have been banned from Twitter and the workplace and polite society. And Amazon will send a delivery man or a mechanical horse to your house to kick the shit out of you if you insult one of their fem-computers. But they can’t take our honking. They can never take our honking.
Art by PixelHenkie