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Upside down Ukrainian flags, invading my empty drawers, the government’s Daylight Savings Time card, women giving away money, the trans swimmer, permanent adolescence, inflation and beans, what percentage of people there are, celebrities paying for gas, and disordered eating; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
Sean, Karl, and I are recording a new TDS/WATP Crossover tomorrow, so email me your podcast suggestions and subscribe for INSTANT NOTIFICATION at Patreon.com/TheDickShow. But first…
A parade of children holding flags, saluting a flag, singing songs about a flag…is a horrifying thing. Because the flags could stand for anything at all. The kids don’t know. M-I-C-K-E-Y HOLO-DOMO-DOR. And then the music!
Adults are the same way. Just nonsense and celebrities and jibberish. Tom Hanks and Iron Man, who everyone could have been if they had just been given the right advantages in life. There but for the grace of God go I, Iron Man, who saved the world from aliens while also being a billionaire alcoholic. Way better than Batman.
But the teenagers know what’s going on. Immune to advertising and “love bombing”, brimming with self hatred and awkwardness, and aware of the awkwardness but powerless to do anything about it. Other than swipe on an app, presented with ready-made personalities of awkward. “Are we on the same page about pineapples on pizza.” Speaking truth to a brick wall, praying for hope, hoping for death. The teenage mind is imprisoned with instruction, potential, flag-less, borderless, callously apathetic–this is the strongest defense against anxiety in the global 24-hour “news” cycle. Prompted like a scale from rage to heartbreak to jingoism to goodness and to apathy again. Indifference.
Cigarette companies spend billions courting teenagers and all of politics runs on their approval.
And so here we are. Grounded and reprimanded by our grandparents while their kids figure out optimal strategies to reverse mortgage their land to Black Rock and turn the United States into a Disney+ subscription penal colony.
“You’ve got to have kids,” the kids say. “That’s the secret to happiness.”
Teenage pregnancy is an epidemic. Always has been.
Dick Pics
Thumbnail of the current thing by Berries N’ Cream.