Episode 315 – Dick on New Racism

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The Biggest Problem in the Universe trademark, the abortion boat, the shadowless Charizard, weddings without an open bar, women going on a shopping strike, masterclasses and you, emo Tik Tok nurses, imaginary Black rapists, trans skateboarders, the Silent generation, and advice on ovethinking; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

My only regret is, that I have but one snek to step for my country. Carpe deez nuts. Long live the tyrants! And head on over to the Biggest Problem Patreon for an all new episode: The Biggest Problem with America! Join Vito and I (and Kimball) as we discuss The 19th Amendment, The Two-Party System, The National Anthem, The American Flag, and The Twins Losing. And then vote on them at biggestproblem.show, but first…

“Clarence Thomas is a near!”

You can hear it from on high, pinkie extended, and capitalized to the extreme in the service of anti-racism.

“What did he say?”

“I think he said that Clarence Thomas is set to deliver a verdict that concerns all the federal agencies of this land, and that that verdict is near.”

“Oh that’s wonderful.”

And then.

“Clarance Thomas is a near!”

“Hey, hey! Did you guys hear the good news about Clarence Thomas?”

“Yes, we heard that he was close to delivering a verdict that would increase equity and justice in all of the American land, as is the function of the court system.”

“Oh yes. To judge, and to judge, and to judge where we cannot. Until everyone is free from decision, made equal in hindsight–”

“Yes, yes, with liberty and justice for all.”

“One nation, under a great and powerful God of consequence, where our bureaucratic, un-appointed uni-party can reign down fastidious proclamations of governance and requirements and licensing at the slightest whim of the politburo. Where we can feel safe to shape the boundaries of now just our generation, but hundreds that will unfortunately come after us. And where the weight of our concern and the might of our anti-racism will echo in eternity. Because we are good. Unlike all who came before us. And history will show it.”

“No, he’s actually undoing all that.”

“Clarence Thomas is a near!”

You couldn’t make that movie today.

“The Abortion Boat” by Ricky Calypso.