Episode 35 – Dick on Peach

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Crying in front of other men, a strip club ghost town, The Delete-o Bantido rides again, Peach Saliva and her extremely inappropriate fan fiction, a DickHead divides Shia LaBeouf, getting your money back, peeing sitting down, liquor gravity, Sean gets legit upset, The Dick Show RPG, a meteor of money, a hot goss bomb, a studio full of hot chicks, innovations in virtue signaling, New Yorker comics vs. Big Johnson T-shirts, The Enigma holds the show hostage, and finally, at long last, what “gross” thing I did to Larry; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Peach Saliva
Twitcher, Tweeter.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Asterios Kokkinos
Author of Toys "4" Cheap, Billboard charting artist. Host of the Science Friction podcast.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Chinese Tony

Too Many Chip Flavors, The Jerk-Off Time Warp, Himself, Cute Waitresses
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Canadian, Creator of The Dick Show RPG
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
See All Co-Hosts

This just in, The Dick Show has broken into the iTunes top 100 comedy podcasts! An unbelievable achievement for one man with a microphone and dysfunction anger issues. Thanks to everyone who listens and loaded up the cumbersome, poorly designed, impossible to use, clunky, laggy, don’t-know-if-you-clicked-the-button-or-not-because-they-are-different-shapes, bloated piece of dog shit, monkey shit that is iTunes to subscribe. You da real MVP. If you didn’t do all that and you have 20 minutes to waste waiting for the most worthless piece of software on the planet to load and then update itself and then probably restart your computer even though it’s just accessing a USB device, here’s a link to The Dick Show on iTunes. While you’re there, make sure you unsubscribe from any podcasts who hijacked a feed to get instant automatic downloads and steal a shitload of positive reviews and duped you into downloading unlistenable shit. But first…

On today’s enigma-riddled episode, I strap on my Indiana Jones leather man purse, team up with two smoking hot Short Rounds, and go exploring the ancient ruins of an abandoned strip club called The Spearmint Rhino in downtown Los Angles–at least that’s the only thing I can think to call a strip club with no actual stripping or dancing it in at all for 40 minutes, and instead just some cotton-mouthed jackass trying to swallow a microphone, announcing a laser light show while ten strippers lounge around in the bleachers like sea lions at the Fisherman’s Wharf, sunning themselves in black light and texting their babysitters. I put my archeology to the test and try to solve the enigma of how do I get my money back?

Then, famous Twitcher, streamer, and queen of the rage board, Peach Saliva, brings in men who pee while sitting down. I don’t know how many men are doing this, but as far as Peach is concerned, one is too many. I wouldn’t know. I’ve installed anti-homeless rivets on every toilet seat in my house to prevent this sort of thing. I also have questions about the guys Peach has dated and if they’re hung like Snuffaluffagus or what? Like usual, I can’t follow the penis logistics described on this show, but I’ve never claimed to be a penis authority just a penis enthusiast. Peach finishes up her blue streak by steaming up our studio audience full of hot babes with the type of disturbing erotic fan fiction she’s known for–and this one is about us! If you have a bunch of things to do today that require being straight, make sure you get them done before listening to Peach’s erotic tale. It will change you.

To cool things down, BlueKnightBrownHorse calls in from the frozen north to talk about The Dick Show RPG, a video game he made in the style of Final Fantasy, full of more Dick Show legend and lore than I can even remember. The game starts off at the end of the Biggest Problem and (so far) follows me and 80s girl as we find my car and hightail it to Mexico. I thought I packed in the references, but The Dick show RPG is bursting at the seams with some real deep enigmas. Head on over to the thread on Reddit to download the game and tell BKBH what an awesome job he did.

The Dick Show RPG: Rated G for Hot Goss

If you’re one of those crazy weirdos like me who likes to watch video games being played by professionals because you’re getting older and fucking up at video games now reminds you too much of the frustration you feel in your every day life, Peach said she’s going to be streaming the game soon on her Twitch channel. I can’t wait!

Finally, Asterios calls in tell us what “gross” thing I did to Larry that kept him from launching The Larry Show on the Madcast Media Network. I don’t know what I was expecting, but after Asterios’ stunning revelation, I’m left with more questions now than before! Questions like, who in the fuck would believe such a preposterous story? Before I can get that one answered, Asterios pulls a fresh serving of goss from the oven that involves the final episode of The Biggest Problem in the Universe and Maddox crying on it.

Is crying at work in front of other men a deal breaker? Next week, Sean will open an envelope with the answer written on the back of a picture of me masturbating to a picture of myself, but until then, it shall remain an enigma!

Enigmatic thumbnail by Brandon of Maximum! Panic.

And wow, check out this new T-Shirt and sticker design from The Dick Store.