Episode 40 – Dick on Women on Strike

Download the MP3 | Watch the Video

A Day Without a Woman, Flasks: can’t live with em, can’t live without em, people who live in bath houses shouldn’t throw soap, Madcucks defends Madbux, Sean’s favorite Star Trek, a Menards update, Lettuce Jones calls from prison, the official Billboard charts, Project: Episode 108, a dick mold bet, a dick pic bet, Phteven investigates a case of Facebook stalking, Sean counts my beers, I have one too many beers, a day with no dings, hot girl freebie scraps, and You Can’t Delete Love Part 2; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Writer, Creator of the Bestest Show in the Universes, co-host of Here's What I Don't Get
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Peach Saliva
Twitcher, Tweeter.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Lettuce Jones
Free at last. Wrote a screenplay in jail.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Women showering.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
See All Co-Hosts

Lysistrata is a Greek play written in 400 BC wherein the women of Greece go on a sex strike to convince their men to end the Peloponnesian War. And then everything gets completely fucked up because the idea is dumb and everyone who participates in it is a stupid jackass. What I’m saying is, 2,500 years ago, the idea of a gender strike was mocked publicly as satire. Look at how far we’ve come!

This smugness in this picture says all you need to know about this episode.

People are asking why Sean isn’t in this pic. Well he is. We actually had merged into one person because the mansplaining I was about to unload was so intense we needed the power of multiple men to do it, like those science aliens with the giant butts in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. If only I could remember their names. But first…

Peach Saliva continues her reign of rage, saves the livestream, and rides the wave of heat her last topic caused: men who pee while sitting down, with a fresh piece of bait: people who take baths. She doesn’t like them. It’s not clear how she feels about men who stand while taking baths, or at exactly what size a bath becomes a pool and then a lake, or why the dirt that fills the tub is somehow more gross when its suspended in water away from your person rather than being that same girl all over her fucking body moments before, but who am I to talk, I take baths in the shower. I’m just glad we stopped the counter-interrogation before someone developed a full blown case of OCD. Peach also brings in more of her disgusting, “found” Dick Show erotic fan fiction. This time, it’s a choose your own adventure story that ends in a cliffhanger. If you want to influence the direction of the next chapter, vote in the survey on Peach’s Twitter and she’ll send the result to whatever deviant weirdo wrote the last two installments. And then…

A Day Without a Woman. It sounds too good to be true, but it’s really happening. This Wednesday the 8th, if you’re a woman who’s fed up with not being able to can’t even, and you live in America, Europe, the UK, Australia, or anywhere where “oppression” is synonymous with being subject to disrespectful Tweets, and you work at the kind of job where you don’t fuck over the rest of your coworkers by not showing up for a day on a whim to go to outrage fantasy camp because you don’t actually do anything and you can just take off work with no consequences, you’re in luck! According to the focus-group-tested, call-to-action, downloadable, sharable media material featured on WomensMarch.com, women won’t be working on March 8th, they the won’t be having sex, and they won’t be shopping for the entire day!

I guess two out of three ain’t bad.

I’ve got a better way women can work to end the wage gap: show up to work. Or better yet, learn how to use sports analogies. Y’all sound like Biff Tannen with your ball hoops and golf sticks and punch men and helmet guards and ref guys and linesman’s butts and why does a quarter say 15 minutes when it really lasts an hour shit.

Then, Madcucks calls in to defend Madbux, his new shill-based currency where you can trade real money, for fake money, and trade said fake money for fake entertainment. It makes less sense to me than Quidditch. Because if Quidditch was actually played, either all the players would just sit on the sidelines and do magic on their dicks because the snitch finders are more important than the pitcher in girl’s softball, or all players would just go after the snitch and the game would be called Soccer and it would last twenty seconds–and then you couldn’t sell tickets or ads and there would be a huge magical riot because there is no guarantee that the game will last for longer than two seconds. Or are we supposed to believe that people aren’t going to riot after a shitty, twenty-second long Quiddich World Cup just because they’re wizards? Wizards are just regular people who conceal carry guns that never need to be reloaded. Every wizard is by default an NRA member and a supporter of the second amendment in its most literal form and wizarding shall not be infringed! Anyway, both are a stupid and overly complicated system and a terrible monetization strategy cooked up by someone who doesn’t know any better.

Phteven calls in to clear up some questions about gender and also to tell the story of Maddox hitting on his girlfriend via Facebook. It’s an interesting story and the corresponding thread on Reddit is an even more interesting read. Apparently, Maddox has a slippery +Friend finger when he’s looking for some steamy chat after a long day of slaving over a hot book. The reported size of the epidemic gives me an Anthony Weiner sized idea! If you’re interested in taking my up on my bounty, you know where to find me. Just put your lips together and email.

In other news, it’s published and it’s official, Cuckmas Carols is #10 on the Billboard comedy charts! It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Closing re-mix by Samglaze,

Fan art!

And a thumbnail that boldly goes where no thumbnail has gone before by Nope.wmv.

I’ll try to get Madcucks to call in next week for more information on the Cucks Across America tour and also the Bonus Patreon Episode 108!

If you like mansplaining, you might want to pick up a Hot Goss shirt at The Dick Store.

Also check out this sassy sticker pack! It’s a limited time deal. Might only last for a couple seconds. Can you click that fast? Well can you, punk?