Episode 63 – Dick on Fake Police

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Politicians Instagram, a call from a fake policeman, LARPing Nazis with tiki torches, Asterios’ birthday cuck cake, The Dukes of Hazzard, Aydin Paladin vs. Asterios, TMZ: the only honest news, tits on a tank, boobs on a battleship, trans in the military, America’s imaginary stupid baby, activism coattails, the pressure cooker, the “dumbest fans in the world”, a tale of obsessive texting, another round of Maddox leaks, $1,000 minimum wage, racist carbon credits, Charleston Chews, and heroes; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Kian Magaña
Hero. [email protected]
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Asterios Kokkinos
Author of Toys "4" Cheap, Billboard charting artist. Host of the Science Friction podcast.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Aydin Paladin
Social psychology, stats, and memery.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
See All Co-Hosts

We call women beautiful when we want to fuck them. We call men heroes when we want them to die for us on the cheap. It’s not always the whole reason, but it is always part of the reason, and whenever I hear those words getting tossed around, I suspect someone is about to get fucked. It works because it feels good to hear, and it’s free because it’s just words–or at least it’s cheaper. It’s cheaper for the Department of Defense to pay the NFL $50 million dollars to call troops heroes than to fix their dysfunctional $50 billion dollar health care system. I think people should make the decision to potentially die in exchange for cash without a smokescreen of compliments that the brain treats the same as money. I’ll still keep calling women beautiful though, because I’m not going to blow their arms off in bed, I’m just going to blow their minds, but first…

A bunch of Nazis, or at least a bunch of dickheads who self-identify as Nazis, descended on Charlottesville last week with tiki torches and swastika flags they just pulled out of the package and the Internet turned into another virtual-action version of The Nazi At The End of This Book. And now we’re talking about it on the show. Denouncing evil is the political equivalent of putting pictures of your lunch on Instagram. It’s embarrassing, it makes me a rage when I see it, and the only behavior it affects is encouraging other thought-leaders and bullshitters to post their weepy lunches on Instagram with a heaping side of saccharine platitudes, tripping over one another to see who can LARP harder as Jesus.

I realized halfway through the episode what makes me a rage about it. Asterios made an off-hand comment, which I think many people share, the denouncement of racism means more when it comes from “our side”. Nazis, whether they’re LARPing or burning down the Reichstag, aren’t “our side”. That’s the sneaky ad that’s being sold while conservatives are bumbling apologies and defending themselves from having to do so. The successful branding of Nazis as our mentally challenged pet, making it our responsibility to clean up society’s rug after they piss all over it.

Nazis aren’t conservatives turned violent. Antifa aren’t liberals turned violent. They’re violent people who happen to vote the same as the rest of us. They’re probably either tits or ass men too. Some of them probably pee sitting down. And that I will apologize for.

Aydin Paladin calls in, a legit social science, and stumps Asterios on transgendereds in the military in about two sentences. I guess stats do matter when they’re being used by someone who’s trained in stats swordplay. Aydin didn’t get much time to talk because she was getting mansplained all over by both of us, so I hope she calls back. Here is Aydin’s original video on The Biggest Problem in the Universe entitled “The Comedian Cucknary in the Coal Mine” about comedians getting too political–I am aware of the extreme lack of self awareness exhibited by putting this on one of TDS’ most political shows.

Here are more of Aydin Paladin’s videos. Put them on, get your brainwashed.

Then, /u/Moggenfeeb calls in to talk about the time someone pretending to be the police called him for “cyberbullying” Maddox.

Here is the TL;DR timeline of events.

1. Moggenfeeb leaves Maddox a voicemail on The Best Debate show explaining why everyone hates him.
2. Maddox initiates a 4-day conversation over text with loads of lying and implying and calling Dick Show listeners “the world’s dumbest fans”.
3. Moggenfeeb releases a transcript of the chats.
4. An hour later, Moggenfeeb gets several calls from someone pretending to be a police officer threatening him over harassment.
5. Fearing for his personal and profession reputation, and his freedom, Moggenfeeb deletes the thread.

I’m not in the habit buying bridges, so it’s clear to me that only person with Moggenfeeb’s phone number was Maddox. Either Maddox made the calls pretending to be a policeman, which we know he couldn’t do because he’s a shit actor, or Maddox gave Moggenfeeb’s phone number to someone else with explicit or implied instruction to do so. I guess two things are infinite: the universe, and the depths Maddox will sink to to prove how big a piece of shit he is.

Asterios’ cuck cake! Thanks to Kian Magana.

And a very, very confusing thumbnail that makes me “get it” by Nope.wmv.