Road Rage: Portland, planting the strip club seed, women hiding your stuff, Man Aspergers, bathroom fans that are too quiet, playing the poop blues, cops preventing crimes, 80s Guy loses his keys, the Portland Goss Bomb, Jane Walker scotch, a future dystopia brought to you by the purchasing power of women, The Dick Show IQ Test, double doors, self-censorship, and getting my nipples pulled off; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
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Portland is what the entire world would be like if humanity had been guided by Dr. Seuss instead of The Bible. I’m sure I saw a woman in suspenders with a hula hoop in her pants–or maybe she was just happy to see me, and I know I didn’t see the same hair cut or color twice while we were there. It was weird. Portland was so weird that even cars looked out of place on the road because there was nothing inherently silly about them. It was weird, but it wasn’t terrible. I see now that the hipsters in LA are actually just clones of the real McCoy, a translation of a translation, wearing a costume and trying to emulate something they read about on the back of a bootleg tape, but the commitment is missing. Portland commits–and everything they say about the strip clubs is true. Thank you to everyone who came, Peach, not-Madcucks, Layc, Sean, Myroom Records for opening the show, MC MC for serenading Sean, Ben from the Drunken Peasants, and of course the seven foot tall penis brothers. I’ll be updating the Road Rage: Portland page all day with pics and video. The full show should be up tomorrow unless something gets fucked up.
Speaking of fuck ups, here is the Road Rage: Portland T-shirt that did not get delivered to the venue in time for the show because no one was there all day Friday or Saturday??? I don’t know how in the fuck that happens, but it did. Maybe FedEx was too busy deciding what to Tweet about the NRA to deliver my package. It’s a shame too because it’s an amazing shirt and it would have been awesome to see everyone in it at the show. Check it out on The Dick Shop and help us get back in the black! But first…
From what I can tell, a major gripe of the stampedes of women in pussy hats seems to be that men in politics and men in general have influence over their reproductive rights. Well I have a deal for you ladies. How about we’ll stay out of your wombs, if you stop hiding our shit? It’s a nation-wide initiative, wherein every man who has something of his hidden during the day,
Once upon a time, I embraced a world powered by advertisements. It’s the socialist utopia. A space faring species traveling the Earth and the cosmos in ships with giant swooshes on them, getting your cup of “Tea. Earl Grey. Hot”, but first you have to watch a three second video add for Diabetes Cola. No problem. I do it already. I embraced it, like the most duped Bernie Bro in the universe for exactly the same reason: it was free. Now, as the ad companies wash over us like a tide, I see the error of my ways. Women control purchasing decisions. If the future is powered by ads, and those ads are powered by women. There has never been a more important time for “NSFW”.
KenDollInHide with “2 Chairs Become 1”.
“Cuck” by georgetrivinski.
Super Penis Brothers Thumbnail by Nope.wmv.