Episode 13 – Dick on Fat Rock

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I have a piss fiasco and try to push the borders of mansplaining, Sean discusses awkward, Dr. Fakeman calls in with an update on Hillary Clinton’s health, I bring in the actual biggest problem in the universe, my man calls in from the desert, I send a call out to fellow fingernail squirrels and also explain exactly what is wrong with all of American politics, and the stage is set for the ultimate contest of Dustin vs. /u/Sovash; all this and more on an all new Dick Show!

I’m posting this from Burning Man where Internet is as hard to find as women wearing tops, so I expect there to be a minimum of two typos per word. I’m flying blind here like Tom Hanks in Apollo 13 and Sean is my Gary Sinese. I can’t believe I even got it up.

I say, I can’t believe I even got it up!

I have a dream. That one day a man can go to the bathroom in khaki pants, a khaki shirt, khaki shoes and socks and even with a khaki watch and not get a drop of piss on him. I discuss the pisspocalypse I experienced in the men’s room at Qualcomm Stadium in Dan Diego while at a Guns n Roses concert last weekend. If football stadiums are spending millions of dollars on Jumbotrons, why not drop a couple extra mil to use NASA’s shuttle piss vaccuums? Isn’t that why we designed them?

I also re-imagine the Rock n Roll dream and try to figure out what is a Lenny Kravitz.

Next, I talk about something men would rather do than eat, drink, or have sex: Mansplaining. If there were a man-lympics, Mansplaining would be the biggest and only event. When you’re Mansplaining, remember to dress and stretch properly. Going from naught to extreme condescension too quickly puts you at risk of turning into a complete asshole.

Like most of America, you probably think that Hillary Clinton is on too many low-stamina brain medications to run a bingo game let alone the most powerful country full of muscle dummies and attention whores in the world. One of Hillary’s personal physicians, a Dr. Fakeman calls in to confirm these suspicions and also to drop some additional bombshells.

Sean talks about being the child of an increasingly ugly podcast divorce, my man calls in from Burning Man with an update on our art project and a preview of next week. Finally, a listener calls in with a question about Trump that sends me into a 20-minute lecture of gibberish and flummoxery covering the nature of representation and government. I think democracy should work on a simple principle of face punching. If you can’t walk down the street and punch your local representative in the mouth, then something is wrong with the system.

Next week, I’ll be recording the Dick Show at Burning Man with my man after spending the better part of the week trying to get his brother laid and tracking down the big-balled fuck who stole my bike.

See you next Tuesday!