Episode 219 – Dick on the Big Countdown to Nothing

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Nothing is ever happening, pulling your penis while doing Kung Fu, a week of cold showers, putting the Switch away wrong, more cops murdering people, Taylor from PKA proves Hellen Keller is a phony, KFC’s very racist ad, Orc Girl and donkey transformation, Sean’s Animal Corner, the coin shortage, Biden’s Vetting process, and Maddox tries to tone down the anti-semitism on his Twitch channel; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Taylor from Painkiller Already
Co-host of the Painkiller Already Podcast. #CancelWomen
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Orc Girl
Orc adult model, fetish model, Orc Girl Comic.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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Karl and Sean and I reviewed another podcast! And this one is a real Chair-breaker. Check out the latest TDS/WATP Crossover event as we review the Rebel Eaters Club and select clips from “F*ck Whales”. We also learn about a pro-fat camp, that is to say, a camp where attendees are encouraged to stop dieting, lose the shame and not the weight. Sean also brings in his new book, “F*ck Parrots”. Available Patreon.com/TheDickShow Patreon.com/WhoAreThesePodcasts. But first…

You’re definitely going to hell if you don’t act right. That much I know. The rest I’m not so sure about. Well that and the polar ice caps are melting. The polar ice caps are melting and you’re going to hell for some reason–because of your behavior. Those two things I’m sure about, but the rest I don’t know. Well, not all of the rest. Scientific stuff obviously is going to happen. Global warming is warming and global population is exploding–literally. People are going to start exploding because they get too packed together on the surface of the Earth. That’s science. Toxic hate rain will kill millions of people before you’re done reading this sentence. Climate change will be responsible in the year 2020. The science supports this. And you’re going to hell.

It’s the unscientific stuff that I’m not so sure about, but that stuff is just common sense. Video games and TV and movies and radio and music and books and telling stories stories and playing with sticks rots your brain. If you have sex too much, then it’ll mess up your brain and you won’t be able to have a lasting relationship with a man or woman. You won’t be able to have kids and then you won’t be able to have a legacy, which means a worse kind of death. This is happening. And if your imaginary kids don’t go to college where they can not have sex too much to have fulfilling lives, then they’ll end up on a street corner and you should have been saving for retirement since you were 12 or else you’re fucked. That is all happening. It’s the stuff that is not scientific and not common sense that I’m not so sure about.

Luckily, we’ll have a vaccine ready for all of that. In two weeks. Which is exactly how long we need to be locked down in the Middle East to prevent the Great Depression. And we’ll get through it in fourteen days if everyone just buckles down and does their part. If you don’t do your part, you’re going to hell. Having children is doing your part. Having a wife is doing your part. Don’t cheat at Monopoly.

Neutrinos are eroding the moon. The Quantum foam is degenerating and space/time is breaking down. There is a naked singularity in the center of the galaxy that may or may not exist and observing it will cause the annihilation of the universe. Put this chip in your head so you don’t think about looking. A officer will be around shortly to check your head for compliance. This is a temporary two-week stop gap measure to prevent the destruction of the universe.

We have located hell. It is in a parallel dimension to our own. Scientists claim that if we merge our dimensions for a small amount of time, perhaps as little as two weeks, we’ll be able to destroy it completely. And then no one will ever have to go. Participation is compulsory.

“Big on Twitch” by Ken Doll in Hide

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