Episode 220 – Dick on Sex Tapes

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My American Psycho sex tape vs. Ralph’s Sex Tape, Null breaks up with me because I’m toxic to his brand, Catboy Kami calls in, a gigantic croquet failure, temperature guns, Tropic thunder and blazing saddles, a cop runs for the White House, Catboy Kami calls in, Sharing your finances with your wife, Vito takes a bath, “Bi-hacking”, Sean’s Animal Corner, and “Bumper”; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

My Dad
Wants a turn table.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Owner/Admin of Kiwi Farms, Former 8chan dev, Advocate of not fucking up.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Catboy Kami
Satirist YouTube Bitchute
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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Just released, the Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome Dicktation commentary track! A movie so bad they didn’t even proofread the title. Join Sean, Vito, and I as we watch it and try to bust each other on who is the pedophile in this post apocalyptic dystopian nightmare that goes from seeing a Down’s Syndrome assassin/slave get publicly murdered to a silly kid’s romp in the span of five minutes. God bless the 80s and God bless them only at Patreon.com/TheDickShow, but first…

Are you thinking about the children yet?

It’s just so fucking important that you think of the children. Especially if you’re 20 and have no children. Then it’s really important that you think of them.

Okay, now that you’re thinking of the children, it goes a little something like this:

1. Dungeons and Dragons
2. ???
3. Pedophiles

Imagine the Aliens meme guy, but instead of aliens it’s pedophiles. Always has been.

I’m more afraid of a mob than I am of anything on Earth. You can shoot a bear, you can fix a gun, but there’s nothing you can do to a mob except try to lie your way out of it. Reason doesn’t work. Stats only make it worse. The only thing that beats nonsense is bigger nonsense. Lie to stay alive.

Maybe violent video games lead to more violence. Maybe hate speech is real. Maybe the glorification of fantasy rape and violence increases the incidence of both. I shouldn’t even have suggested it actually, because now I’ve put the idea in your head–fantasy rape and violence–and now you’re both. Or maybe you’re a pedophile. Shit. I’m sorry about that. Rest assured the police will be around directly to arrest you or murder you and I’m sure you’ll be happy about either because of your perversions, and if you’re not, you deserve it tbqh. Witches float and stocks go up. Those are the only absolutes in life.

Every story needs a good villain and everyone’s first novel is about themselves. We’re just not done writing it yet. We’re struck in a perpetual November is Novel Month, crafting our story for the world to see. And what’s a better villain than someone who harms children? Nazis? Don’t be silly. I’m not some Ess Jay Double You.

I’m a manly man. Who protects children. I need women to understand this about me. I’m a worthy man and I can protect your children. I just want to give you a good home. Then you can stop doing porn, Hitomi Tanaka. And we can be together.

These are the schizoid ramblings of a lunatic. The reality is, predators blend in. They learn the language of demagogues and they speak it. They are loved. They are impossible to catch. The only option is to out-run them or out-breed them. They run mobs. They destroy on a hunch. They are always right. There are no exceptions. The only option is to hide.

Dick Pics

A sex tape preview thumbnail by Cartyoun.