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Corporate-speak, law enforcement with “full release”, Kian is reverse body shamed, Road Rage: Tampa, John Wick Mario, “The Evil Dead” Dicktation, Manterrupting, debate fly accounts and your ticket to Greenland, the WHO says to end the lockdowns, waiting in line to eat in the street, racist restaurant warnings, screwing Santa, sexism in whiskey, gender-neutral Jesus, a man’s psycho ex hides in his closet, a gun fighter calls in, and the wrong Trump guy calls in; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
Patreon Exclusive! Join me, Sean, and Vito for our Halloween Dicktation commentary track on “The Evil Dead”. That’s the original one, where Bruce Campbell looks like he’s 19 years old. Maybe he is nineteen years old! Now you have to look it up on Google. I’m confident in my ability to go the rest of my life without knowing if that’s true or not. I like depriving myself of things.
And also check out this new shirt/tank top/hoodie available now and for a LIMITED TIME, CASTLE DOCTRINE. I wanted to call it HATE SPEECH, but I figured they would suspend my account.
But first…
This is an official warning. The restaurant you are patronizing has been accused of racist activities. Several orders of people of color and people of women were incorrect. Should these racist activities not be properly disavowed in the exact way we want but will never say and under an indeterminate deadline, your profile will be flagged with pictures of men kissing. You will have to present these pictures of men kissing if you wish to use our dine-in or takeout services. Uber Eaters and Door Dashers will come to your house and drop off your food, and pictures of men kissing will greet them. This is done as a warning to our service members to show how bigoted you are–because you hate this.
They will have to click, “yes, I see the men kissing on so-and-so’s account, and he hates this,” and then you will have to complete the verification by repeating out loud, “I see men kissing. It really burns me up something fierce!” And your face will be recorded while you are doing this. Our top compliance technicians will then put your face on your profile with a warning that whatever face you are making is likely a result of your latent homosexuality. Again, this is to show how bigoted you are.
Further infractions will result in the photoshopping of dicks in your mouth and deep fakes of your likeness in gay porn. Then you’ll get a taste of your own medicine. We’ll send you to prison to get raped. Homosexuality is a weapon against straight people we don’t like and our armies of tolerance and anti-bigotry will once and for all provide a safe environment for people of color and people of women to not ever have to even think about confronting anyone over a fucking drink–and if you don’t agree, we’ll fuck you up the ass. Never mind. You have already in the ToS.
F-slur.
A traditional festival fall wholesome thumbnail by HeHeSilly!