Episode 232 – Dick on Copium

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Riding with Biding, Sean’s COVID barrier, Biden’s gay ops task force to stop violence against women, seeing Alex Jones in Arizona, Vito is in studio to steal the election, Benford’s Law, Nick Rekieta calls in about Tampa and the Supreme Court and letting your kids have the overhead light on while you’re driving, a guy tries therapy, and how I learned to stop worrying and eat the bugs; all that and more this week on The Dick Show.

Nick Rekieta
Lawyer and Dickhead Nick Rekieta breaks down Maddox's lolsuit, Patreon.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
A typical neckbeard. The guy who vaped Belle Delphine's bathwater.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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Road Rage: Tampa tickets are on sale! I just spoke with Mersh, and we both agree that this will be the greatest show anyone has ever made, ever, and certainly the dopest. And holy shit, there’s only like 100 tickets left. You better get on it! Biden isn’t getting any younger and we have to have this party before Madame Officer President is sworn in because that’s really the end. Buy your tickets today! But first…

The government is back in charge and everything is right with the world again! Well almost anyway. There’s just the pesky matter of a mandatory vaccine, but let’s not let 10ccs of liquid question mark get in the way of the healing. This is your future we’re talking about. A bright future of eating bugs and living in pods and asking a single old man if we can go outside yet like he’s our fucking dad.

Is it safe yet? Is it finally safe?

Hundreds of billions of dollars of America’s wealth was rolled up in the last 8 months and deposited into banks. Small businesses, restaurants, even old fashioned whoring has been disrupted and co-opted by Silicon Valley venture capitalists. Your whores will be provided by Amazon. Your friends will be provided by Amazon. Your food will be provided by Amazon. You will be able to select from one of many festive, focus-tested brands and identities. Have some Bezos Borscht or Alexa Jumbalaya. They are identical products made in a fulfillment center. We cut costs at Amazon by using a mixture of meat-meal by products and a highly-nutritious, bug-based exoskeleton flour. If you find a mandible in your soup, you may download a free MP3.

The Federal Reserve is now offering tremendous access to debt for black people! There’s a wealth inequality in America. That is to say, the idea that some people have any wealth. Sure, you’ve heard about them on television. You’ve never met one. Black people and all people equally will now have access to shitloads of new debt. Want a house? Here’s fifty grand for the downpayment. That goes directly into the pockets of the homeowner because you have no fucking idea how market valuation works, but holy fuck the banks do. We need to get these houses moving! Because that’s the only way we make money. We can’t have last year’s models sitting on the lot! And you get the pile of bricks and wood that it represents. What if the housing market crashes before you can sell it? What a stupid question. Moving on.

The PATRIOT Act is back with a vengeance. Encryption is illegal without expensive government backdoors that are required to enjoy 230 immunity. Operation Choke Point has made unapproved commerce illegal. Alternative platforms do not exist. They don’t exist in your DSL provider, why would they exist online? The TSA has taken over all events and buses. This is to stop the spread of COVID, which was caused by Donald Trump. Vaccines are required for entry, as they are for travel. All listening and watching devices are controlled by a singular police entity. The division between state and local and federal government has disappeared. You can get high. State-enforced mandatory homosexuality.

It’s possible Clarence Thomas has been biding his time like Ray Finkle, waiting for just the right time to enact vengeance upon Joe Biden for turning his SCOTUS confirmation hearing into a public lynching, and in that case, Trump wins! So I have two predictions for the future. Either all of that starts now, or it starts in four years. Buy Bitcoin!

A preversion of my childhood thumbnail by PixelHenkie