Episode 235 – Dick on Big Simpin’

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Asians are white, Dominion is in a bad headspace, Unthanksgiving, ten million diversity jobs in college, COVID-scented candles, free tampons, movies that train dads not to work, dog psychics, a QUEER license, banging your girlfriend in her dad’s pyjamas, a Dick Show Christmas album, and a Pokimane super simp calls in; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Grand Wazoo
Musician, creator of "The Grand Wazoo’s Christmas Kalli-Kazoo (The Dick Show Christmas album)".
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Chayne Maize
The Pokimane simp guy.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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Just released, hot off the Christmas Presses, join Sean, Vito, and me as we watch and provide commentary for the Christmas classic “Jingle All The Way”. We talk about toys, price gouging, the 90s, cuckery, and Vito recants his stint as a discount mall Santa. I haven’t seen the pics yet, but he promised there would be pics, and I’m sure we’ll get ahold of them next week. Enjoy! And download at Patreon.com/TheDickShow or Patreon.com/TheVitoShow.

Also, make sure you get tickets to Road Rage: Tampa on December 12th! It might very well be…the last show on Earth. Tickets available at tampa.dick.show, but first…

The Fear & Greed Index–a mathematical representation of investor sentiment toward themselves and one another–is at an all-time high! Fear is up. Greed is up. Getting yours before anyone else gets theirs–is up! In the market, in Bitcoin, in life; a rapidly red-lining needle tapping at the speed of a ball bearing coming to rest against a tile surface dropped from a nominal height and indicating that sometime soon and somewhere close, something yours is going to blow and fall–or is there still room to grow? You can fit a lot between taps. The known universe exists between taps.

Mask futures are up of course, as a nation-wide mandate prepares to roll out like a wet towel slapping across the nation. But don’t worry if you missed out by mocking them early on or not getting in a confrontation about masks early on or if you are a nurse and forgot to post a TikTok over someone’s corpse as a public service announcement, now is still the perfect time to buy! Even if the Death Vaccine works, which it probably doesn’t, but even if it does work, and by work I mean a two-phase (even though no one ever comes back for book #2, ask any comic seller), sub-zero injection process that may cause symptoms as bad as the virus itself, and even if nearly, almost, kind of sort of protects against a death you’re only at first for over 65. Even in that case, the masks will still be needed. Because why wouldn’t they be? This is a revolution of feminists and NEETS. A system of humiliation and control that started small with not saying words because it made people uncomfortable, and then it made people uncomfortable on their behalf, and then second hand smoking actually maybe killed people, and then not separating your aluminum cans maybe killed the whole world. And then going to work kills. Going outside kills. Getting a drink or eating at a restaurant kills. Living kills.

Racism is currently leading the way, the Overton Window, recovering for the moment, shifting from populace right to populace left before it begins to change at an incredible rate. The tapping speeds up. The thing that gets you hired one week will get you fired the next as the system struggles to outproduce an ideology that is inherently cannibalistic, the human search algorithm that weeds out the strongest in the herd and separates and destroys them, applied to the strongest of the weak, and so on, maximizing returns on Fear and Greed. It’s important to keep an eye on the fundamentals of etiquette during these turbulent times, the root of all virtue signaling. Spelling errors. You can’t notice to many.

Parasocial relationships have been pushed to the max. The algorithm has taken over completely in lockdown, but it’s not the whimsical paradise Black Mirror promised us. It’s a Skinner box. It’s a line at the DMV that never ends, maximized for profit by Venture Communists who have dicks and Diversity departments instead of the cold, unfeeling heart of an AI that just wants you to get laid. The Other Mother is running your arranged marriage and the banks are running out of frontiers to shred. Self-esteem will soon be monetized, and co-opted by hedge funds.

Fear and Greed is at an all time high and now is the time to buy! Don’t listen to anyone else. They are trying to deceive you.

“TYT Loves Dick” by Aupaya Unskillful

“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Dicksmas” by The Grand Wazoo.

Late and gay thumbnail by verisimilitudesque.