Episode 240 – Dick on The Big One

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“Death to 2020”, mass-produced personalities, Wonder Woman 1984 made me start my period, new and improved lighters, “Cosmo says you’re fat”, The WHO says “The Big One” is coming, educated by women, governed by women, the science says you don’t have to tell people you have AIDS, a young man describes his perfect woman, wet masks, shooting politicians with vaccines, bug-fed meat, there is nothing to look forward to anymore, and The Grand Wazoo’s Christmas album; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The audio and video for Road Rage: Tampa will probably be posted by the end of the month. A Dick Show bonus episode will be posted next week. A “Who Are These Podcasts” cross-over event will be posted by the end of the week. But a Road Rage: Tampa t-shirt? That you can buy RIGHT NOW at shop.dick.show, or pick up some Dick Show pint glasses! I have no idea how many are left. Probably like a hundred, so get on it! but first…

The science is all around us! It’s in the air, it’s in the sky, it’s in the smile of an innocent child.

And when you come to accept the science in your heart, you’ll be a happier man. It’s true! Your days will seem brighter and more confident. Your love will seem deeper and more justified. Your riches will come to you in spades. Your wife’s fatness forgiven! All you have to do is get down on your knees and repeat after me, “Be gone ignorance! Be gone you denier of the science! I will not permit the irrationality in this household or in this mind. Be gone, Devil!”

The science has came and it has spoken onto us and lo it has shown us that discrimination is a tool of the ignorance devil. Hatred is a tool of the ignorance devil. Terrorism, islamaphobiaism, being annoyed by women–ignorance, ignorance, ignorance, and The Devil! The mere suggestion of a study across millions of pairings that show the ineffectiveness of female mentors in all fields of science…this is blasphemy! Science has nothing to do with what’s in the hearts of men. Science is about cold hard facts that change over time depending on the science.

Now be careful because there are a lot of pretenders out there. The science is great and powerful and many ignorants would seek to usurp its power for theirs. Conspiracy theorists, the curious, scientists; they will all attempt to deceive you and play to biases and fallacies and prejudice. It’s your original ignorance to blame, but do not worry! The science forgives you and through him all things are learnable. Even incalculably complex systems that cannot be reasonably tested in plausible way. This knowledge can be yours if you simply trust the experts. And if you deviate. You may find yourself unscientifically addicted to unhealthiness, you may find yourself unafraid and thusly unprepared for the perils that surround you. Working out too much. Having no opinion on things you don’t understand. Laughing at hatred and racism and women. These are the tell tale signs of ignorance my friends, and on this the science can be no clearer. You will regret your hateful ways. Gone for you will the eternal life science provides. Virtual realities. Life extending elixirs. Immortality-granting gene therapy that should be here any day now. And most importantly the security in knowing that your ancestors will never be ashamed of your ignorant ways, “He followed the science,” they’ll say, “even if he didn’t understand it.”

All for all this, the science asks nothing of you, but that you open your heart. We’ll take care of the rest.

Amen, and a woman!

The Grand Wazoo’s Christmas Kallii-Kazoo