Episode 239 - Dick on Lonely Mouths

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A Christmas sick-out, family is just a number, getting over a girl, surprises in the omnibus nightmare, having a lonely mouth, holocaust and election denying, “birthing people”, going to school until you get molested, Chris the Kiwi calls in, herd immunity, cross-dressing incest, organizing your wires, and some Tampa audio is recovered; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Christopher the Kiwi Wants to meet an inmate. Threatened to chop a girl's fingers off.	Is a Rage! Not a Rage.
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The Road Rage: Tampa audio has been somewhat recovered! That’s the best news I’ve got for you, and Sean will do what he can with it. Hopefully, I’ll post it next week. Until then, enjoy these Road Rage: Tampa t-shirts with your $2,000! Supplies limited, act now! But first…

Someone has convinced people that they can take in hundreds of thousands of data points, weight them according to their probability, influence, and cost, account for both their intended and unintended consequences, and then iterate infinitely into further hypothetical futures which exponentially increase in variability, scope, and magnitude.

And that they can do it allllll, in one week.

Perhaps the Devil did this. I’m also open to Moms having done it–which are the same–in their tireless war against self-realization. A war that they call self-esteem.

The esteemed ladies and gentlemen of the classroom will realize that they are both smart and have the ability to self govern, regulating and algorithmulating billions upon billions of data points, making only good decisions, winning. Mama didn’t raise no fool.

She did though. That’s the entire syllabus of the Dick Masterson School for Dummies, and you graduate when you can answer it on a polygraph test.

“Did mama raise a fool?”

Yes.

It doesn’t matter if you’re lying. Deception is equally as valuable as self-realization.

We’ll send those who opt-out to normal school: The Church of Self-Actualization, and they can go for 12 years, or 16 years, or 20 years, or until they get molested–whichever comes first. What does it matter. Everyone who comes out of public school is hopelessly deranged. Completely immune to self-governance and addicted to fraud and protocol; a populace unable to function without making decisions. Empowered with the delusion of purpose and cause and petition. Armed with the value currency of the future. No clue how debt works.

Here’s a refresher. If I give you $600, and you have to pay back $2,700 in ten years, what do you do?

Shoot the hostage.

It’s a mathematical nightmare. So fuck school, give me your kids for a week and they will never make a complicated decision again. They will make simple, singular decisions–trad decisions, for the self, for family. The governance of a single person for every ten years of life, that’s the rule. Otherwise, there’s too much science involved.

Science is a sham. Look at the math. It’s the only thing that’s real.

Mint Salad animates Biden dropping his dogs.