Episode 313 – Dick on Internet Father’s Day

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Internet Father’s Day, my dog throws up in the car, red flag laws for food, murrlogic’s new shoes, The Quartering talks about his lawsuit, his coffee, and his gay beans, various crypto Ponzi schemes, Internet Hate Machine talks about the GiveSendGo hacker, and another rap about fat women; all that and more this week on The Dick Show.

Internet Hate Machine
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
The Quartering
Humble Bean Merchant. Coffee Brand Coffee Twitter
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
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A new WATP/TDS crossover will be out any moment. Maybe it’s even out right now. Or right now. Or maybe… NOW! At Patreon.com/TheDickShow and Patreon.com/WhoAreThesePodcasts. Check it out!

But first…

The sky is falling! That’ll show all those stupid birds. Flying around without heeding my warnings. Fools! Greedy fools! That’s why I stay on the ground. Hi I’m Fuckhead and welcome to my Fuckhead Ted Talk.

Did you know, that that was a very stupid thing to do? Ha-HA! Of course you did. Or didn’t. Anyone could have seen that much. That’s why I’m here and that’s why you’re here, so I can tell you something that already know that you needed to know, and not out there making mistakes.

Now before I begin, let’s all remind ourselves of what we already know. Like my father always said, there’s a wrong way to do everything, and not only did I know it but you all knew it as well. And your fathers knew it and they knew it when their fathers told them the first time, who also already knew it.

I’ve made so many mistakes that I might as well be dead. And so are you. It’s because we’re so smart. Don’t think of making mistakes. Think about it like why don’t you stop hitting yourself. I bet you already knew that.

I root for the status quo. The Malarky-archy that consumes all things, and my control over it. My observation of it. My excitement and celebration, my position of esteem and authority in what can only be described as a death cult. I love that bad things happened to random people. It couldn’t have been me. I crave a reward that can only be mined through suffering. The Hate Machine turns and marks the passage of life. I remember these failures. I need them.

Thank you for listening to shit you already know.

“Fat Bitch” by Anonymous

Dick Pics

A handmade card for Internet Father’s Day by Mint Salad!