Episode 98 – Dick on The Trademark

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Maddox loses his trademark application for sole ownership of “The Biggest Problem in the Universe”, bullying, bully hunting, and hunting the bully hunters, Happy Birthday Thieves, the first stop in Asterios’ Garage Tour, waking up with stolen things, middle age Jaeger’s, everything you ever needed to know about buying a house, four-square disasters, congressional hearings, the hot girl on Izzy Nobre’s Instagram, custom Gameboys, The Sucker’s Paradise, my new Skinner Box app “S*ve the Whales”, Kimball vs. Madcucks, Stephen Burch the Hero calls in, an Erotic 4/20 Story from a Real Man, and Sean’s sisters are in studio; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Stephen Burch
Defender of Intouallectual Property. Won the trademark case for "The Biggest Problem in the Universe" that Maddox lost. Hero.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Asterios Kokkinos
Author of Toys "4" Cheap, Billboard charting artist. Host of the Science Friction podcast.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
Izzy Nobre
A YouTube, Brazilian, refuses to return sex toys.
Is a Rage!

Not a Rage.
See All Co-Hosts

It’s been unambiguously decided by the Federal government–who are especially up to their thieving ways this week–that I am the co-owner of an entity that owns a trademark to a property known popularly as “The Biggest Problem in the Universe”. This can no longer be argued on the face of this planet or any other, especially if it’s been colonized by American tax dollars or by a country beholden to our IP laws, which they probably will be. Maybe if Maddox can still afford an Oculus Rift machine after getting butt-fucked into the poor house with lolsuit sanctions and penalties for perjuring himself, he can take the trademark issue to loli-court in the moral-aftermarket hell that will immediately be VR, but in this world, the real world, where justice is a fully grown, adult woman, I own half of “The Biggest Problem in the Universe” from now until the end of fucking time.


I know many people are anticipating the re-release of the entire run of The Biggest Problem without Maddox’s plentiful and sometimes mysterious edits, so I will tell you this; I know what I’m going to do with them, and I’ll be announcing it and doing it during a bonus episode we’re recording Wednesday night for immediate release (the episodes will not be paywalled), but first…

If there was a bunch of prick aliens sitting in a galactic space yacht on the edge of our exosphere burning gravity for fun, using personal super computers to calculate the protein folds of optimal alien titty-physics in their space jack-off machines (instead of using it to cure cancer), and dedicating a significant portion of their time to stopping each other from feeling bad in their unending space paradise, I’d be pretty fucking pissed at those guys. As a matter of fact, I would probably spend all day thinking of ways to fuck with them while my ass roasted away on the surface of the planet, drilling for oil, engaging in the perversions of contact, and using my hands to both eat my food and wipe my ass. Not that they would care.

“Let them eat cake,” wasn’t actually said by Marie Antoinette as a demonstration of what an enormous cunt she was in the face of her country starving; but the reality is even funnier. It turns out, “let them eat cake,” is just a poison phrase attributed around the aristocracy like a poverty hot potato for a half century during a time when everyone lived in their own shit under the thumb of the wealthy, privileged, and wildly out of touch. It was the 18th century’s, “Don’t talk to me or my son ever again,” and when the meme had been beaten to death, they had the good sense to chop everyone’s head off and go metric, which I’m saying we should do. If you don’t support one, at least support the other.

But like the metric system, chopping heads off is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. It’s cyber harassment now and bullying in video games and verbal “attacks” online, evolving from the ancestral thought crimes and codified “On the Origin of Hate Speech” by the Soviets in 1948–look it up! The crime of invoking bad feelings in someone else, similar to inviting them to run into a wall at full speed, play the lottery, or settle down and start a family, with a diminishing utility of lulz in each; obsessed over and whipped by cash into the front of our minds by the wealthy, privileged, and wildly out-of-touch; touting trickle down economics as a global solution for Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and offering less than nothing of value to the world. Their thoughts and actions foreign enough to be alien, and they might as well be because I hate them too.

Here’s Izzy Nobre’s Bully Hunter’s breakdown. Some interesting a’stats on fake a’stats in that one, including how online bullying numbers are extrapolated from next to nothing.

“Now I’m a Cuck” by Chuck and Vee.

“Fat Cunt Caitlin Hall” by ChuckandVee.

And closing remix “Losing a Love” by Images XZ fet. Savestate Corrupted.

Dick Pics

A thumbnail I have always wanted by Nope.wmv